My boyfriend broke up with me. I went a few days without talking to him but missed him so much. So I texted and he said I could come over to talk. I get there and he tells me that he in no way wants me back like that and kept his physical distance from me the whole time I was there. It was awkward. Honestly I felt myself breaking all over again when he said what he did to me. At the same time I felt those feeling start to die and I feel myself getting cold hearted now.

Sex was brought up and we did have sex. It was Trash. I always thought we had great sex but maybe it was more my emotional investment in the relationship/sex.

I'm so desperate to keep him in my life I'd put myself in a position to be hurt and used all the time to keep him around. I don't want to do that, I know I don't. But I have self destructive tendencies. I've blocked him on everything but hitting unblock is way too easy and usually what I end up doing. I need to walk away with the little dignity that I have left and not let this continue. But part of me knows I can't.