I’m so over this

Cycle day 45 and no period, no ovulation. Usually I keep in a good headspace about my TTC journey with PCOS. After I went off birth control in January I was diagnosed after having long cycles/skipping periods. I recall my cycle always being regular before being on birth control for 8 years. I am taking Inositol and Metformin, gone gluten and dairy free and limited my sugar, I exercise almost every day. I feel like I’m trying everything I can to ovulate every month like a woman with a normal cycle!! Still my cycles have been anywhere from 45 to 93 days. I feel a lot of guilt for maybe doing something to make my body like this because of the birth control, and I’m longing for the days when I had a regular cycle and despised it. I’d be sooo grateful now. I’m so frustrated that I have to deprive myself of delicious ice cream and bread just to probably not even ovulate! If I ever get to see those two pink lines on a pregnancy test it will all be worth it. Until then this freaking sucks and I’m feeling bummed today. Just had to let it out.