Do you think it’s a red flag if a guy has a crazy ex?

Question

I started seeing a new guy a few weeks ago. For reference I’m 26, he’s 27. We’re not official yet but have been going on dates and hanging out quite a bit. It’s going really well and he’s very sweet. The only issue is that his ex is freaking out. He says he broke up with her 4 months ago. He never really shit talked her but I’ve witnessed her blowing up his phone. Somehow she hacked into his fb account and found out we were talking, and got my number from our fb messages. She called me like 20 times within a couple hours last night, while he was over at my house (I didn’t answer). She was blowing up his phone saying she knew he was at my house. Now he says she’s telling all their mutual friends that he cheated on her with me. Her profile pic on fb is still a pic of them together and still says she’s in a relationship, while his clearly says single. He’s apologized repeatedly to me for how she’s acting, which I told him it’s not his fault and he shouldn’t apologize. But do you think it’s a bad idea to continue dating him? Or continue and hope she eventually calms down?

Answer

Why hasn't he blocked her yet? Why is he even allowing her to blow up both his & your phones? He needs to block her, stat. & if she finds other ways to get info on you guys like via friends, then he needs to block & cut those "friends" out too. Reap friends show respect. 
So my answer is, if he does not block her, then yes, it is a red flag to me. There is no good reason for her to still be in contact with him.

Answer

I have a raging obsessed ex husband and I really hope that I'm not judged for his behaviors. He's his own person and acts on his own accord. I'm doing everything possible to avoid him and block him etc but he always finds new ways to harass me and my family. I don't think you should judge the guy for his ex's actions and deeds. She's trying to keep him isolated so she can sneak back into his life. He seems to be very mature about it and is trying to rectify the situation. Trust me, he's probably so stressed that even the basic step of blocking this person hasn't crossed his mind so it's perfectly okay to gently suggest it to him. Best of luck and I hope you give him a fair chance.

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Not necessarily a red flag.... my ex was a complete PSYCHO. I blocked him so he would *67 his number and call me around 100 times a night. I ended up having to change my phone number. Then he started calling my boyfriend then when he found out I was pregnant he went psycho all over again. So my now fiancé changed his phone number and now still to this day sometimes I see him drive past my house to go to his moms who doesn’t live far from me. I actually park my car on the side of my house so he doesn’t see that I live here. So the point I’m getting at..... If my s/o would have ended things with me when I had a psychotic ex, we wouldn’t have a beautiful baby, a beautiful home and we wouldn’t be planning our wedding. It sucks but maybe he can’t actually help it even if she was blocked. Tell him to change all passwords, block her, etc.

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Given the situation not a red flag mainly because I have been in your bf's situation its just if you can handle the drama and just block her and he should change his social media passwords and set up 2 factor authentication btw

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I’d be wondering if he actually ended the relationship with her because she’s not acting like she’s aware of their breakup. Plus why hasn’t he blocked her?  Why let her blow up the phone and ignore it?

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I would definitely be cautious. Not sure I would back out immediately, but it would have to stop for me to continue i think. I couldn't deal with it in the long run.

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It seems to me that he’s not actually being serious about cutting her off 100% which to me is a red flag. But at the same time you say that he’s sweet. If you stay in this just know that if he does not completely cut her off things could get out of hand. I have a friend who went through an crazy ex that would not take the hint that it was over… finally her now husband then boyfriend said this if you don’t cut this off one of us is going to jail and the other in the hospital.  I also pleaded with my friend to cut off the relationship because I too witness some of the crazy stuff that he did to her . Any ways I think you should have an honest conversation with him and if you feel that this is a deal breaker … then go. But if you truly like him you got to make a decision on this. His ex cannot keep interfering in both of your lives. Stalking and online harassment is real and you should have peace of mind.

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Yes i do think its a bad idea. Women should treat dating like they are hiring. Dont date because u feel sorry… or because “people cant control their life situation”…date the person who can bring uou peace and solace and be a mental emotional physical spiritual and financial help. Dont pity people when dating… date for your life outcome! Yes reeeedds flag. Two sides to every story and he bringiing drama into your life is a noooo! Plus you would be a rebound.

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My husbands ex is this level of crazy. I don’t think it reflects on him as a person, after all he isn’t responsible for her actions. Start with him blocking her and changing his number because if she is just blocked she can create new accounts to be crazy on(ive seen it happen lol!) you may never truly get rid of the crazy, I’ve been w my hubby 4 years, we have 3 kids and she will still create fake accounts to watch his social media’s 😬 
It’s annoying to deal with but if you like him and have patience don’t take her behavior out on him.

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I don’t think I could handle that personally I would tell him I’m sorry and move on but it’s not his fault if he’s doing everything he can to keep her out of his life so it’s up to you if you feel like you could have a relationship with him. I’m sure he’s a great guy in very unfortunate circumstances but that doesn’t mean you need to put up with his baggage. Just depends on how you feel about him