So I’m 17 and my brother (21) and I have a terrible relationship. We have never ever been close. As children we would have nasty fights to the point that my grandmother had to watch over us when my mom would go to work. everyone thought when we grew up we would grow out of it, but we haven’t. He says disgusting things to me. Tells me to shut up, always insults me (tells me to shut the fuck up, get lost, calls me awful names, and not in the playful way). I won’t lie, I’m also definitely mean back, which i guess fuels the fire but I just don’t know what else to do since he treats me that way. I’ve tried multiple times to rekindle our relationship and be nice to him and do nice things, but every time it has backfired because he doesn’t try with me and hates me. His friends who are the same age are all so kind to their sisters and even to me, and all my friends have a close relationship with their siblings and it makes me so jealous and it makes me feel like everything is my fault or that I lack something to be treated this way. A few months ago our relationship improved and we would be playful towards each other and I was over the moon because i’ve always wanted to be close to him. But then one night, we got into an argument and we exchanged rude words, and then when I said something back he came over and hit me. We’ve hit each other before, but in the playful sibling way. But this time he came at me with the actual intent of harming me and it actually really hurt and it was humiliating. I know that I said rude things, but I just feel like no matter what I said, it should never justify him putting his hands on me like that. After that, I dropped all the “playfulness” and whatever that we built over the months and completely stopped talking to him unless I absolutely had to. Just a few minutes ago, he shouted at me again and when I was trying to talk to him about our dog he told me to shut up and to not talk to him and to die. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I guess I just want confirmation that I’m not crazy. That although we are siblings he has no right to hit me or talk to me like that. I feel so helpless and like it’s my fault this is happening. I need some advice, I just don’t know what to do anymore.