How do you tell family and friends who recently experienced loss?

Question

I know I've seen this question come up before. We have a super close friend- the very first one we told about our 1st baby. She just experienced an early loss of her 1st over the summer. We are now expecting #2 and I just don't know how to tell her. She makes post all the time about pregnancy loss, how much she still hurts, and being jealous or upset about other people's announcements. I even find it hard at times to tell her about new things we are into or enjoying if it involves our 12 month old. 😔 I just feel so guilty for becoming pregnant with our 2nd so easily. And I know it hurts her so much to hear it but at the same time I don't want to hurt her by tiptoeing around her.
We are 9w3d now with a viable ultrasound. But we haven't planned to say anything until 12 weeks. However last time we told her at 5 weeks when we found out 😔

Answer

I had a really similar experience with my sister in law. It’s so hard and I definitely didn’t handle it well. I ended up not talking to her much because I thought everything I had to say would make her feel bad or sad. I wanted to give her space. She told me later my silence hurt more than any of the “wrong” things people were saying to her. Not talking or finding out from someone else would be so much worse.
Your friend is going to have mixed emotions. If you’re that close She’ll be happy for you but of course she is going to feel sad and jealous too. My vote is to be direct and tell her in person, but somewhere comfortable so if she does get sad she can process her feelings how she needs to. Tell her you’re excited to share your journey with her but you’re happy to do it on her terms if she’s feeling sad or angry. 
Maybe it would help to put it in terms of your children instead of you? “Joe/sally is going to be a big brother/sister!” Instead of “I’m pregnant.” I honestly don’t know if that’s a good idea or not. Just an idea. Hopefully others who have been on the other end will have some feedback. 
Pregnancy is so much more complicated than we expected it to be when we were younger. I hope this stress isn’t taking away too much of your joy and excitement. Congratulations on your new little one! Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months!

How do you tell family and friends who recently experienced loss?

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