First I'd like to say yes I know we all need to get into family therapy, it's in the works. I just have no one to talk about this with in the meantime and I thought writing it all out might make me feel better.

My ex husband was extremely abusive while I was pregnant and after. Heavy drug addict, all the terrible things you could think of associated with being a drug addict he's done. Stolen from me while pregnant for drugs, cheated, caught him using drugs with our newborn in room ect. Well he ended up serving time in prison eventually for assaulting me while i was pregnant (didn't do his anger management and ended up with a warrant), our child was 2 at the time and i finally left him for good (aka stopped playing his gaslighting games and stopped believing he would change). Fast forward our child is 5 now, my ex lived with his mom when he was released after serving 2 years and was in treatment for his addiction and bi polar disorder. Was on a bunch of antipyschotics. Did good for a year. My son would stay with my ex mom quite a bit and spend time with his dad.. Well he met some girl on Facebook and moved out, stopped seeing our son. I was told he stopped taking his medication and was drinking again (most likely using as well). Him and this girl get an apartment and a month in they get into some kind of altercation where he was arrested and charged with attempted murder of his new gf. He's facing 7-10 years in prison. All of this has brought on a lot of unpleasant emotions and I feel like I'm reliving the trauma. Im having nightmares and am haunted by memories of him hurting me. I'm praying my son will be okay with help from therapy, I have no idea how this will impact him. I have no idea what to tell him when he's older and asks. And I guess I'm confused on how to feel as well. It's just so much to feel and deal with especially since I'm pregnant and due at the end of this month with my new partner (who's amazing btw) but I just thought this would help me process it if I wrote it all down.. If you were able to read the whole thing thank you.