Mental Health and TTC
I don't know if anyone is going to read this but I needed some place to write down my feelings. For the past few months I have been under a lot of stress. Especially ever since I had a miscarriage in May. My sister got pregnant with her second child 3 months ago and my mom has been pressuring me into getting pregnant because it would be wonderful to have 2 more grandchildren. It's not like I don't want to get pregnant again and I was obviously trying too. She's a doctor so she's just looking out for me, I get that. I have irregular periods and tracking my ovulation is a nightmare so she's just trying to help me regulate my cycle which finally happened in August. I got my period on time. (24th August) but then again randomly skipped a cycle in September and just got my period today.
I've been under so much pressure to get pregnant and my mom keeps asking me if I got my period, why haven't I gotten it, is my diet okay, etc etc. I just got a call from her today saying that I might not be ovulating at all due to the weight I put on in COVID and my waist to hip ratio. I had a transvaginal ultrasound back when I had a miscarriage in May which showed that my ovaries were healthy and I did not have PCOS. I didn't get an ultrasound or a transvaginal again after that. My mom said that even though my it doesn't show up on an ultrasound that I have PCOS, I have all the symptoms of PCOS. She also said that I have large hips and a disproportionate figure and that I need to exercise, walk, eat more vegetables, cut back on junk food, lose weight and reduce my butt size. I weigh 147.7 pounds and my husband doesn't think I have extra large hips or anything of that sort. I personally know that I have a bad diet but I'm really exhausted and mentally stressed out trying to conceive. It's just not happening for me and I don't want to hear things like I'm fat or something is wrong with me. It's just not helping at all. I cried all day today and got my period after 50 days and I still don't know if it's a proper period or not yet. I'm very very stressed out and I can't stop thinking now that my weight/waist to hip ratio has something to do with me not getting pregnant. I've also stopped taking the meds she's been giving me since a week which was basically folic acid I believe. They're called Locyst. I'll start taking folic acid after my period now I guess, I'm not sure.
Thank you for listening. 💜
Also attaching a picture I took of me this weekend incase anyone wants to see.