Am I the jerk?

Question

A little backstory. I have been with my kids father for going on 8 years. We met when we were younger, I am a year and a half older than him,we fell in love instantly with just" a look". We did a lot of bad s*** together ,got into trouble ( like Bonnie and Clyde) , both of us where on probation and now 8 years later are free from the state. We have 2 kids and 1 on the way . Throughout the 8 years I have delt with his drug addiction, his lying, him not working or providing for our family, with his abuse emotionally and physically, him not doing his part with the house work or with the kids, him bring females to my home to smoke and chill ( while I'm working) I'm  not trying to put him down but I have delt with so much of his Bs and I AM TIRED. 
Since day 1 I have been the one to step up and , take care of the kids (because of course they are mine) and work at the same time , ( I have had to work in a daycare in order to work to make money to survive) , pay all the bills, and be the head of household for this family. 
I have tried to leave him many times and he always threatens me ( that I can't take my kids, or he will kill me if I take my kids) I've asked him to leave many times and he won't. Instead he breaks my phones, breaks my glasses, or steals my keys to my car or kicks(sometimes drags ) me outside and tells me he can take care of my kids Better.then I can . I have to leave. 
Look I let him live his life . Chill with his homeboys. I've Helped him start a business( to provide for our family), I've Helped him get a truck. I even help him read and write. ( He didn't finish school) 
YET THIS MF HERE STILL HAS THE NERVE TO COME HOME AT 4 IN THE MORNING AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK. DOESNT ANSWER HIS PHONE. CHILLS WITH HIS HOMEBOYS ALL DAY. GOES TO STRIP CLUBS. GETS STRIPPERS#S. DOESNT CHECK IN WITH ME. GOES CRUISING IN HIS TRUCK EVERY WEEKEND. Honestly he is living his best life like he's fucking single.
While I worry about thekids, home, and finances.
And he tells me I'm the bad mom. 
On the cool , I feel like he is using me. (I've even told him this because fuck that I want to know what's up) he tells me he's not , he loves me, blah blah blah , but my heart tells me he is comfortable and he is lying. And he doesn't want to leave because who the fuck wants to deal with a shitty partner like him.  Besides me he really has no one. His mom doesn't care to much about him or his 3  (crackhead) brothers. His dad is dying because all the damn crack he does and only cares if my bd gives him money.  He doesn't have anyone but me and my kids yet he throws us to the dogs and doesn't spend time with us..he honestly rather spend it with people who steal and lie.to him. 
I bring this up almost weekly because I am trying to communicate with him and he blows me off. He tells me I ain't no one to him so why should he have to explain himself to me.or my kids. 
He pisses me off and I am just tired. 
I ask.him.for some respect and I'm just not getting it. 
I want to leave but I have no where.to go and I definitely don't want to be 7 mths pregnant with 2 kids already  in a  shelter. 
What do I do? 
Am I the jerk for wanting him to step up and be a father for our kids? 
Am I the jerk for feeling so shitty that I picked a dickhead for my kids father?
Am I the jerk for wanting to kick his ass? 
I just want him to step up and be the man he always tells me he is trying to be for us but he lies and idk anymore. I guess it's really me.just venting but .,.am I the jerk?

Answer

You should consult a womens shelter or domestic violence center in your area as to how to go about exiting this situation. He is dangerous.

Answer

Jerk? No. Naïve? Yes. You honestly should’ve been done with him a long time ago. Usually people stay in these situations because they hope they will get better…it rarely gets better so get out while you can. He has abused you, threatened your life, and he doesn’t provide for you or your children. If he was gonna change he would’ve done it a long time ago. You’re also enabling his behavior a bit too because as soon as he got physical the first time the police should’ve been called and every other time after that to be honest. It seems like he doesn’t take you seriously and knows he can walk all over you because you haven’t done anything to make him think otherwise. There are DV resources that you can use that isn’t automatically a shelter. Depending on your state there is help with housing and other resources. Do you have family of friends that can help you with an escape plan? I can’t remember if you said anything about family. This isn’t your fault he is an abusive bum and you don’t deserve to be abused. You also don’t deserve to be dealing with his bs while pregnant. Either way you gotta focus on yourself and your children…it is no longer your job to worry about him. Document everything, record if you can just in case you have to go to court for the children!! You got this you can do it and I wish you a safe delivery.

Answer

If you pay the bills and he doesn’t work how would you have nowhere to go if you don’t mind me asking?
He’s an abusive asshole. Leave and find better for you and your kids. They deserve better

Answer

Think of the environment your children are living in, it’s not healthy for them or yourself, kids are like sponges and they take everything in. You might not want to be in a woman’s shelter but that’s a damn sight better than where you are now. You have a chance for a better life, go to a shelter. It won’t be forever and you deserve better, so do your kids

Answer

Leave leave Leave, you don’t want to put yourself your kids or new baby in this. You’ve done and said all you can and you can honestly look back and know hey I tried and I’m okay with my decision on leaving him. So I would make a plan, save money where he doesn’t know contact the courts and police for your protection. Once it’s safe and you have somewhere to go leave him don’t tell him where you are going or have the kids and go from there. These things take time your number 1 priority is being safe for you and your kids, it’s not an overnight thing specially if you have no support from anywhere else. My mom had to do this with my father who was a beater, cheater and drunk. She had 6 kids and moved to another state by herself. But she had a plan stuck to the plan and we were all safe and together, she put herself through college and became an RN all by herself with 6 kids. It’s not easy but can be done specially when the motivation is protecting and providing for your kids. You have every right to feel the way you do and to be able to walk away and not feel bad, your kids will understand one day why you had to leave and the choice you had to make. I respect my mom always have and always will and give her so much credit for her choices just because my father is a pos didn’t mean she didn’t love him and try and didn’t know it was going to end up like that. All I know is my mom did everything in her power to love and keep us safe and that’s what has always stood and still stands out to this day.

Answer

You're the jerk for expecting him to change. He has NEVER been any different and yet you went ad made THREE kids with this dude? And you still think his abusive ass is gonna change.
He is abusive, he is addicted to drugs and you keep making children who's gonna be forever damaged by their abusive dad into this world.
I know leaving an abuser isn't easy and I know him threatening your life and the kids is scary as fuck. But you have to get some help and take action and get the fuck out of there. He isn't ever gonna change no matter how much money you provide or how much you do to try and make a home.

Answer

You are not a jerk, he is! It sounds like he taking advantage of you and is also dangerous. Please seek help. If you have friends, family, or coworkers you can trust or reach out to a women's shelter or domestic violence hotline. It sounds like you earn the money and do all the work for the household so you got this all on your own without him, please don't feel like you need to stay with him. Do whatever you can to get away from him for yourself and your children.

Am I the jerk?

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