Ladies. I rarely post my own problems on here but we're in a predicament and well, I could use some advice. This is going to be long.

I've been quite vocal here about my relationship (or lack thereof) with my mother in law. How badly she's treated me over the years, how she didn't come to our wedding and in fact, between her and my sister in law attempted to sabotage it. How she's badmouthed me to all and sundry, to the point a rental agent I've never had personal dealings with (but knew her) didn't even want to deal with me on a rental etc. etc. etc. Basically dragged my name through the mud in the neighbourhood over I don't even know what anymore. She also treated my husband badly growing up, very blatantly and obviously favouring his sister over her.

Her partner died about, two months ago now? Maybe a little less. So now she's on her own. My husband has been going there (alone, as we have no relationship) every Sunday for a bit and has also been dropping off dinner for her once or twice a week. She's been uuhhmming and aaaahhhing about moving to the coast now to retire, if not my husband and I have also looked at a couple of retirement villages for her.

He's been saying for a while now that he feel she realises she's been wrong all these years but she's dug herself into too deep a hole to get out. Regardless, I have not reached out again because I have not only tried for like the fifth time about two years ago, but I've actually been blocked off her number so I can't reach her directly anyway.

So on Saturday night we went to get take-aways, and we dropped something off by her on our way home. I waited in the car, like I have done previously. Then yesterday, my husband went to visit her again. He said he was absolutely dumbfounded because when he was there, his mom asked why did I wait in the car instead of coming in??! Like, we haven't spoken in over 10 years, you literally BANNED me from your house at one stage and now you're wondering why I didn't come in? Like I'm supposed to pretend the last decade and a bit didn't happen? What? But yeah, she expected me to come inside. I said to my husband already on Saturday to have dinner with her and I'll pick him up but he said no.

And now. This is where it gets tricky. She's decided she doesn't want to go to the coast to retire BUT she doesn't know where to go here. There are lots of beautiful retirement or lifestyle centres here that she could easily go to, but my husband says she's hinting to come HERE. Apparently they were talking and my husband asked if she wanted him to build a "granny flat" for her and she said she doesn't know, but "you know I don't get in anyone's way".

So now my husband is not only stressed about the right thing to do, but he's also angry. Despite the fact that SHE'S been in the wrong for the past 10+ years, she's still expecting us to make the first move. She still has not apologized, and not even acknowledged how she treated me. The last time they had a fight about it, they didn't speak for two years, kept referring to me as "that girl" and "your wife" and she kept manipulating him by saying "I guess I'm just a bad mom" (typical narcissist). Now she wants to live with us like nothing happened?!

So we don't know what to do. This woman gives me extreme anxiety, but I also don't want the family to think I'm coming between her son and her coming here. We just went through this with my own grandmother, who treated me horribly and then changed her ways all of a sudden one day and expected me to forget all the bad things she did to me.

What would you do? My husband feels very obligated to his mom regardless of how she's treated him too, but he's angry at her for the position she's putting him in. We don't know if she's genuinely changed or if she's just in a situation now and she's using us to get out.