Am I being unreasonable?

Question

So I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 months now. He’s a nice guy and different from any other guy I’ve ever dated. He’s 30 years old and I am 28, he lives with his older brother, the brother’s wife and their two kids. I live with my brothers and my 20 month old twins. The issue I’m currently having is that I feel like I’m putting in all the work for this relationship to work, I am always driving to his house on weekends so we can spend some time together or I have to drive to his friends house to him there and hangout with his friends then later go back to his house. He never makes an effort to come see me I always have to go to him. I spoke to him about it and he said he’s worried about my brothers and dad’s reaction (my dad occasionally comes over to our house) if he comes to my house. But I feel like if he really wanted to see me he would just come over, we don’t even have to go inside the house, we can just hangout outside in his car (we only live 15 minutes apart) .
He never makes plans for us to hangout or go out somewhere. It’s just me going to his house every weekend and I am honestly getting tired of it, I’m starting to feel like he’s using me for sex and cuddling. I need some advise please, I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I really like him but I’m having doubts about staying in this relationship. Am I being unreasonable?

Answer

I dont think youre being unreasonable. I think relationships should be equal and you should both make equal effort to go and see each other (unless one person has no car / means of travelling and the other person is okay with doing all the travelling). 
Why is he worried about your brothers? Have they caused problems with previous partners? You’re not teenagers, so I dont see why meeting family members would be an issue? 
I would just stop going to see him, if he really wants to be with you, he will start making an effort. If not, then hes not worth your time anyway.

Answer

You answered your own question. And tbh you need to research dating as a single mother. Because alot of men ARE NOT going tk take u serious because they do not want to raise another mans children. There is a whole conversation going on youtube about this.. look up “dont date single mothers” “redpill” and mgtow. They prey on songle mom vulnerability of being lonely and even play with the kids… they do this to earn trust and gain sexual access to u. They have no intention of marrying or being commited long term. Some men even get in full flegdged relationships to “get on their feet” then leave for a women with no kids. The term is pump and dump.
     Regardless, you need to learn how to date. During dating u are to observe and treat dating like youre hiring for a position. If the man underperforms or doesnt meet the qualifications y need to learn to move on. This whole post is about you not getting your wants and needs met. You already hve been left with two kids so u need to learn to date and screen men properly so it dont hppy again. I recommend all single moms get therapy.

Answer

The relationship needs to be equal in my opinion. When i first started dating my boyfriend, he was the one always making plans and driving to me. He kindly expressed that he was getting tired of always being the one to do the work. (my car was broken into and i needed to get it fixed so i wasn’t driving it). Anyways, i got my car fixed, and now we equally drive to each other, with whatever feels reasonable. If he works early, i drive to him, and vice versa. You have to compromise in relationships and respect the other person enough to make those adjustments.

Answer

Thank you so much for the responses. I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about this all day. He does have a car so he does have the means to come see me and I have never given him any reason to think that my brothers would treat him badly. So I guess he’s just not that committed to making this relationship work.  It might be time to walk away.

Answer

Nope. I think it’s weird. Maybe he doesn’t have a car….either way. I wouldn’t date that

Answer

Same reasons for leaving my baby’s father. I always drove to his shop(mechanic) always bought food. Never texted back reasonably and use working with his hands to go all day bt blamed me and said I knew where he was. Never made plans to go out and he said he’s busy so its up to me to come to him with a plan. It gets old. Bt every time I saw him he wasn’t working and wanted sex and to watch a movie on his phone 🙄 If u feel it then thats all that matters imo

Answer

Its not unreasonable. 
Why is he scared of your brother or your dad? 
I wouldn’t want to be always having to go to his place all the time, id want to go on proper dates or him to come to mine.

Answer

I think it's weird too

Am I being unreasonable?

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