I haven’t shared this yet because I haven’t been able to even think about my birth since my perfect daughter was born but now I’m ready to share. For reference I’m 21 and never had a stitch, broken bone, or been to a hospital.

Tuesday Oct. 5 I was called in for my induction at the hospital, when we got there I was out into a room I undressed and we just sat for a while. I stated medication at 6pm to get my cervix to soften and most of the night we slept on and off as doctors and nurses came in. 6am I was taken off that medication and started a pill to soften my cervix, and Pitocin. Got some pain medication about 2 hours later and again most of the day uneventful.

Around 1am the doctor came in broke my water and said if I don’t dilate soon they would have to take me in for a c-section and I had till 3:30am they would check me again. I cried in my hubbies arms and this scared me so much and he just tried to calm me.

3:30am oct.7 they come in say that I am ready to push and get everything ready. I’m hella nervous as this is my first baby and I was just woken up from deep sleep. Pushing is fine I get her out Oct. 7 4:52 AM and they lay her on my chest it was the most perfect moment feeling her weight on me. As I am holding her I feel weak but don’t think much. The nurse looks at my doctor quickly takes my baby and goes to clean her. I saw the look in her eye saying something was wrong so I tell my husband to go with our baby.

I am laying there bleeding and the nurses all rush around me trying to put in meds to stop my bleeding but can’t find a vein, all while I am just trying to see my daughter again. My husband keeps looking to me and I tell him to watch our baby like a hawk because I am so scared at this point with all the commotion they are making and the doctor going from calm to stern I am going to die on this table and I did t want him to see that.

I really thought that I was gonna die on that table only holding my daughter for a few seconds leaving my husband with our newborn all alone. They stopped the bleeding and everyone calmed down and the dr became calm again as she finished stitching me up. All I could do when she said she was done was look at my husband who was holding our daughter with the happiest look on his face. Never knowing what was happening to me.

4th degree tear

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