My husband just doesn’t care about sex

Yesterday I surprised him and gave him the first blowjob he’s ever had, it was completely spontaneous. I flirted with him and told him I wanted to go all the way with him that night. He was tired but we did have sex. I just didn’t feel his heart in it because he just doesn’t look at my body, he just doesn’t crave me like I crave him. The whole time he just seems like he’d rather be sleeping. He even kept his eyes closed through most of it. Now I know I don’t need to justify my bodies existence or prove that’s it’s worth being admired, because EVERY body is worthy, but I do think I have a nice body to look at, at least I thought he might like to look at it.

Today he’s saying I only gave him the blowjob so he would owe me sex and not out of the goodness of my heart. Any time I say I want him to do something when we have sex he says that I’m trying to change him.

I’m just kind of at a loss, sex is healing for me, it’s comforting and it allows me to convey the full depth of my love and closeness I want to have with him to him. That’s how I show it. Last night I kept thinking to myself how I just wanted to show him what it’s like to be married to me, I was forward and passionate and creative.

For him though, sex is a chore, and if he’s had a hard day when he’s tired, cause he always is tired at the end of the day, it is never something he wants to do.

I don’t know how to explain anything to him because then he says I’m just asking him to be like me and I’m trying to change him. We’ve been married for 3.5 years and he actually used to get angry when I initiated sex. When we were newly weds he preferred to sleep too. He is better, but I just wish I could understand him sexually even a little bit.

His T levels are in the healthy range but are lower than the average.