How do I tell a guy he's responding too fast?

Question

So I'm a pretty bad texter. Like I just don't like texting, I find it exhausting and I would much rather save conversations for when we meet in person. And I am also very introverted and can only take so much social interaction at a time. I've been talking to this guy and I kind of like him but every single time I text him, he IMMEDIATELY responds. Like I'll probably take an hour or two to respond to his texts and BOOM within seconds he sends a reply. And if I don't respond right away? BOOM a couple more texts.
On the one hand, I'm flattered that he's excited to talk to me. But on the other, I just dread replying to him when I know he'll text back immediately and is expecting another response right away. And I'm not trying to play games or anything or play hard to get! I just genuinely need some space. And even though I've liked hanging out with him in person, I've found that I can't help but feel less and less interested each time I get a notification from him. How do I talk to him about this tactfully without hurting his feelings?

Accepted Answer

You need to let him be and go work on yourself. You dont need to bring these issues into the dating realm tbh. It is normal to respond to a person youre interested in…. Its shows your interested. It not normal to take 3 hrs to send a text to anlove interest. And im telling u this as a person also battles anxiety

Answer

It's not normal to take hours to respond to a love interest or boyfriend husband. I'd grow insanely tired of it. “being introverted” is no excuse to treat someone you are seeing or want to see like crap. Imo intentionally taking 2 plus hours to respond is treating someone like crap. Super selfish actually. That's how conversations work, if you don't want to text then give him a quick call. He likely doesn't feel important to you and he will definitely lose interest fast. I think you should end it and work on yourself because there is no excuse for someone to be nervous about responding cause of “being introverted” just seems like a crazy large excuse to treat people like crap. I'll bet you probably cancel plans too. Just seems toxic all around

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You need to communicate this to him and not lead him on. This may be a deal breaker for him.

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So do you find yourself more interested in someone not interested in you? Or do you find yourself not interested in someone who likes conversation? Are you finding him too needy and that is off putting? I think this is something you should figure out then come up with a plan. I don't think he is the issue here. I believe it is your preference and therefore why change him. You had a good time and he's being attentive. So if you are not into him maybe set him free to someone who appreciates his jesters.

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I’m an introvert, and I still don’t get this 🤷🏼‍♀️ sounds like your just not into him, if someone told me “I purposefully ignore your messages” I’d probably stop talking to them.

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You’re upset he’s responding “too fast”? Good God, you don’t deserve him.

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It's important to be honest and open about this, preferably before it gets to the point where you're at now (dreading his texts). It's not good for you to let it get to this point, it's going to be another source of energy drained for you. Let him know that you're an introvert and what that means in relation to your courtship (less texting or none at all, hanging out AND having recharge time between dates or even during, space to yourself, spending quiet time together every once in a while, etc). I wouldn't sugarcoat it as your point may get lost to many people, just be straightforward. I would write it down and give it to the person and just cuddle them while they read it. Then I'd answer any questions they had and we'd talk it over. For some people it was a relief to know that it wasn't like I'm not interested in them or something and others decided they'd rather be with another extrovert, which is fine too, everyone deserves to be happy. Best of luck fellow introvert!
Btw, I married another introvert and we have two kids and a crazy cat so, don't lose hope, you'll find your someone 🤗🤗🤗

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I would just communicate with him and tell him that you don't like texting that much and would rather just hang out sometimes. Maybe you cam compromise by saying like "every night at 800 we can talk for a half hour just to recap our days and then say goodnight." Or talk on the phone since that's a little less continuous than texting. Maybe you two could work it out or maybe you two are incompatible if he's super extroverted and you're super introverted. But don't let anyone tell you this is wrong if you easily just don't like texting. You're allowed to not like texting. Especially all the time.

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im a major introvert and I actually prefer texting than calling!! so I don’t really see a correlation there. it just seems like you dont really like this guy deep down. cuz this happened to me. I got so annoyed but I told him straight up. when I found someone I truly liked, I didn’t mind it as much. now Id love my bf to text me as much as he can.

Answer

Genuinely can't believe these comments. How often do people spend on their phones?
I'm not a texter I really rarely get back to anyone within a day, I have a partner of 5 years and he has no issue with it! You are who you are and it's not selfish to not be all consumed with texting someone, just because you don't fit in to what is considered the norm nowadays doesn't mean you're wrong. Just talk to him and he can decide whether he's a person who can deal with it.