I posted a while ago about how one of my long term friends came out trans, male to female. I talked about how I never saw her before. I knew her before transition, and I never saw HER. She became herself and I became.. I mean just wow. She's incredible and I was blind before. She's not just physically incredible, she full on left her old self and walked into who she is and DEAR god. I would let her step on me. She just ended a long term relationship like 6 months ago and is still heart broken, like I held her over it while she cried heart broken. So y'all told me to give her time.

I have. we spend so much time together.

I cannot deny it anymore. I am... amazed by her.

By the way she talks, dresses, by her facial expressions and the way she looks at me.

When she's trying on clothes and looks at me for approval. Her doing college on her computer and looking up at me to talk about something random, how soft her lips look, god, the way she smiles. I wish I could show all of you what it feels like when she smiles at me. It's like being struck by lightning.

I literally fucking die.

There was a moment, where we almost kissed.. and it wasn't just leaning in. We were on top of each-other and it was getting hot. but I didn't want to. You wanna know why? She's too important. She's more to me than sex. I don't want to ruin what we have by complicating things with sex and she took it as a rejection and I literally had no idea how to tell her how badly I wanted it, I just...I can't.

I honest to God, from the depth of my soul, I feel like i am not good enough for her. I look at her and... look at myself, and I don't know why someone like her would go for someone like me. She's too good for me.

You should see the way she smiles, the way she looks at me, her having no idea how badly I want to just touch her face and kiss her. This is probably so cringe, but I want to kiss her neck so badly. She tried really hard one night where I felt like I was gonna just do it. #2 reason we haven't had sex. here's the thing. I don't want to have sex during her mourning of her last relationship. Yeah sex is fine during that time for people, but if I ever have sex with her.. it's because I want her to want me, just because she wants me.

Not because she wants to feel good for a night,

Because that's not how I want her... but god I want her.

Every time I'm with her, I stare more, I become more self conscious, scared, I become more.. essentially enthralled by her.

If felt worthy, I would sit her down and tell her how beautiful and wonderful she is. How she literally glows, how her voice is like velvet, how I'm pretty sure that I am fucking inlove with her.

I have never in my life felt this way.

I have no idea if she feels any type of way towards me other than lust. I hope she does🥺

Sincerely, a person who may be secretly inlove with a friend.