I’ve been anxious lately because November marks 3 years since we started actively trying. I had a snapchat memory of a pregnancy test that had a false positive on it and I was bombarded with emotions because I had *so* much hope then. I remember thinking “how blessed would we be if this happened our first try?” When I found out I wasn’t pregnant I remember feeling fine because we’d just try again the next month. But seeing that video has me feeling so defeated, how many more times can I say, “we’ll keep trying next month!”

How many more diets, vitamins, medications, procedures can we do before it’s just too much. We did my husbands semen analysis and his results weren’t great, and I have PCOS and all of it comes on the three year mark of trying.

I so desperately want to go back to that moment, when I thought we were pregnant. When I was filled with hope, happiness, and just all around excited. Because now? Now I just feel so defeated, so tired of the tracking, the tests, the anxiety, the doctors visits, and everything inbetween.