Just a heads up: Gonna be talking about sexual assault and trauma stuff so please read with caution.

I was raped a few years back by someone I trusted and it really messed me up. Now I've been dating this girl for a good couple years and we really wanna move past just foreplay stuff (which even that induces anxiety, but I can get past it sometimes). She wants to do more and honestly in my mind I love the idea! I think about it quite often! But whenever we start getting to it and all that, I get so anxious I need to stop or I'll have an anxiety attack. Or I'll just become totally repulsed and want to go home.

I really do trust her. I've known her for a long time and I know she'd never do anything to hurt me. Why am I still not over this? I just want to stop being so scared and enjoy intimacy with the girl I love but I can't seem to stop panicking. I feel broken. Has anyone found a way past this??