Struggling with my mental health

So I'll start by saying that I've always had mental health problems, I was diagnosed with panic disorder and depression in my late teens and early 20s. I take medication every day to manage this and another medication, as needed, when I have a panic attack to relax me. It runs in my family and I know that I will likely have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I also knew that pregnancy might be harder for me or make me more susceptible to pre/post partum depression and anxiety. Well now I'm 30 years old and 7wks and 6 days and this is my first pregnancy. When I first found out a few weeks ago I was so excited! I downloaded apps and ordered books. Then I found out that while I am still able to take my daily medication I should not take my other medication as it may or may not cause birth defects and that there is nothing else I can take that has the same effect. So I stopped taking the second one, since I only need it for panic attacks I thought it would be hard but that it would be ok. Well after about a week or so due to stress at work, hormones and morning sickness I started having pretty bad episodes of panic attacks and a major depressive episode. I was having trouble eating and sleeping, I lost 4 pounds in 3 days. As a result my doctor recommended that I take temporary medical leave from work. And while that has helped lessen my panic attacks I'm still really struggling. I even started taking the medication that might cause birth defects because I feel like I can't function (plz no judgement I already judge myself harshly enough for it). I'm just sad now, almost all the time and I cry multiple times a day. I'm not ecxited about this anymore, I'm scared. I honestly don't even want to look at the books or apps, I don't want to acknowledge that I'm pregnant. I even admitted to my bf and the doctor that I don't want to be pregnant anymore and it would be easier if I had a miscarriage, not because I don't want a child but because it's too hard right now. And yes I feel terrible for thinking these things, like I should be happy but I can't be right now. And don't worry I'm not thinking of harming myself or anything like that, I'm hoping that things will get easier, it's just hard right now. The doctor said that this will likely last the whole pregnancy but that my hormones will change and that I just need to take it say by dayI'm just taking things day by day. So that's what I'm trying to do. I guess I'm just posting this in the hopes that I'm not alone. Maybe other ppl have experienced this and they have ways of coping or they can reassure that it gets better.