Conflicted??

Personally I’m definitely not any sort of Christian but for a long time I had this uneasiness about saying I don’t believe in YHWH god because I am a spiritual person, I need something, and the truth was all I knew about the Bible and YHWH was mostly what other people had told me. My foundation of belief was really weak and lacking. Different people have different answers and beliefs about YHWH, often conflicting ones, and I realized it’s hard to be certain of whether I believe in that god or not when I don’t really know him. So I started really reading and studying the Bible. I’ve met a few Christians who have helped me with respect that belief or not is my choice, that faith is built on a strong foundation of understanding and sincere belief. Studying the Bible didn’t lead me to faith in that god, but it did help me understand him enough to settle whether I believed in him or not. Really, in a sense I made peace with him. When I first turned from Christianity it was from a place of not understanding and being angry, and it helped to finally have a decision that was just about what I believe to be true without hard feelings against YHWH.Belief is by nature most personal, and other people can guide and teach what they know but understanding is something we truly come to on our own. I think the conflict and uncertainty is a call to examine one’s beliefs more deeply. And if you feel the Biblical god deserves another chance then put in the time and effort to get to know him through studying the holy text that exists for that very purpose.

As a Catholic, I believe in many of the things you do; even though they go against some of what the faith says. Ultimately, I file those things under the idea of it’s not for me to judge (the whole cast the first stone thing), and that God loves us all despite our flaws. I treat people how I would want to be treated, and go from there. There’s definitely internal conflict sometimes but I figure I don’t know God’s plan and it’s not for me to know the why sometimes.