Preference vs trauma vs racist?

Okay, first off this is a past experience that I am trying to understand. I do not think this anymore but I want to know why I did. I am sorry to anyone this offends:

So I have been raped on 3 different occasions. All were black men and each was a different story varying in severity. (They have all been undeniable rape, no gray areas). I have been harassed by men of all races, but as far as rape goes, just those black men. After the 3rd time, I kind of stopped being attracted to black men (I have never had a preference and have always been attracted to all kinds of people and all different races). I didn’t consciously think “F black men” but I didn’t find them attractive anymore and was consciously feeling bad about it.

Ironically, my boyfriend now is a black man. I no longer feel this way at all and am madly in love and support my black boyfriend till the end. But I never knew if it was internalized racism, trauma, or a new preference I had subconsciously developed. In my mind, I would’ve felt this way regardless if it was 3 white men, 3 Hispanic men, etc. but I can’t help but feel bad for even feeling this way. I hope this makes sense and again I’m sorry if I offend anyone, seriously I’m just trying to understand the thought process I had.