Maybe The Hormones?

Idk if I'm just being hormonal and stupid right now. My fiance and I have discussed starting a family together. We both very much want to, but we're not going to actively try until I can immigrate to live with him permanently (we live in two different countries. It's complicated, but we're trying to figure it out) which will be hopefully soon. By actively trying I mean I'm not coming off my birth control until then. We have discussed me maybe coming off of it and just seeing what happens, let nature take its course, but decided that's not a good idea right now cause we can't trust that I can't stay with him for the duration of a pregnancy without being forced to go back to my home country. And I don't wanna do a pregnancy alone, and he doesn't want to deal with the heartbreak of not only seeing me off, but also our little one, yknow? And yet for some reason I still broke down crying because I started my period today and it just solidified the fact that I can't be a mother yet, even if we both wish we could start that chapter of our life soon. I feel stupid for being so sad over it because I know it's not a good idea right now, but it still breaks my heart... I don't know what to do to feel better, even though I know being responsible right now and waiting for a better time is the right thing to do. It still hurts.