Im so angry and sad and confused and hurt.

I am a mum of 2 girls. 2.5yr old and an 11 month old.

The relationship I have with my fiance (the girls daddy) has been toxic for the past 8 months or more. I feel like I am drowning.

I have BPD to attachment trauma, depression and anxiety. I feel completely stuck.

Plus my 2 yr old is a classified gifte and currently in the process of being diagnosed with Adhd/Asd, sensory disorders and anxiety. Her dad is her most favourite person in the whole world (even though he can be quite aggressive and scary towards her) and It would kill me to upset her by separating from their dad but I am so unhappy majority of the time. I am extremely fearful for the girls future because I worry they will end up like me from my abusive childhood.

We are currently in couples therapy and have been for 4 months now. There has been absolutely no change. He isn't willing to implement any change however tells me he is "trying" when I bring up any issue I have with our relationship/parenting.

We also very rarely have sex. I am the one who has to instigate it. When I ask why he hasn't or hasn't even wanted it, he tells me "I dont know why haven't wanted it".

Having a fear or rejection, its extremely hard to constantly ask and be denied.

I have an extremely high sex drive ( that he was aware about before we started dating).

What the hell am I supposed to do? I feel so broken and my patience is drastically running out. 😔😔