Been trying to conceive almost a year. 39yrs old, PCOS. Did one round of clomid (3 months). I had an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram), SIS (Saline Infusion Sonohysterogram) few months back. They revealed something they thought was scar tissue. Both the SIS and HSG were pretty painful for me and the doctor commented that I have a very high cervix which made the imaging harder to get than normal ( I am also a plus sized gal as well which I think may be part of the issue, not sure). They had to use the “longest speculum” and even then their imaging equipment wasn’t quite long enough to image very well. So the doctor wanted to do a hysterocopy (in office) and if it was scar tissue cut it out while in there.

Yesterday, I went in at 9:00, they gave me a valium. I sat for two hours waiting to go in bc they were running behind. Finally around 11:15, I went back. They put me on the OR table strapped me in and left me for about 30mins (I am guessing that long bc the bp cuff went 3 times and she told me it checks every ten mins). Well they finally come in and start the procedure. The first 3 speculums didn’t work, and were very uncomfortable. They finally find “the long one” and it seems to fit. He starts the local anesthesia, I am super uncomfortable trying to not cry and relax and focus on breathing. They get to where they insert the camera and the saline and I don’t know but the pain just became too much. I am lying there crying in pain, I didn’t ask them to stop but just crying wanting it to be over. He gets the images and find there is scar tissue, and like I can’t focus at all the pain was just so bad. My whole body is shaking, I am just trying to breathe and get through it… The nurse finally tells him to stop, and not continue. So they don’t cut out the scar tissue that is apparently partially blocking my left tube.

I’m just lying there, kind of crying, feeling like a failure because I am too weak apparently to deal with the pain. They tell me they can try again under full sedation, at least they were able to get an actual visualization of the problem.

Then the doctor offhandedly says (I think he was trying to be funny) “how are you going to deal with the pain of pregnancy, you didn’t handle this very well”…. Now that is all I can hear. My body failing me at every turn not getting pregnant, and now a fertility doctor telling me I can’t handle being pregnant because I am too weak. I was crying and feeling like a failure all afternoon.