Mad at myself for falling too deeply

Rant: My best friend pursued me and I initially pushed him off because I didn’t feel like we were individually ready to be in a serious relationship, despite the love we had. Well, after some time I gave it a chance anyway because I thought maybe this would be different, that it was special because of our connection. Well, it went wrong and now he’s dumped me. I feel stupid and foolish and I’m struggling to let go. After sending him a final goodbye message a couple days ago I’ve just accidentally called his number. I’ve tried to work this out so many times now that the combination of my wasted efforts, the messages I’ve sent, plus this recent accidental call have just built up further anxiety and embarrassment in me. I feel pathetic and unlovable. I blame myself for ever allowing myself to be so vulnerable and trusting to another human. I’m just frustrated with myself for being so dumb and attached and somehow (even when I’m not trying) still successful at showing the other person how much they impact me. I plan on being single now for the next few years, I really can’t do another relationship, but I wish I felt like I walked away from this one with dignity and a crown on my head.