has anyone gone through being diagnosed with PCOS and go through a time of severe depression? i’m 22 and have a history of depression/anxiety/sh/ed/suicidal thoughts. i haven’t felt this way for 8-9 years.. i used to be on antidepressants & anti anxiety meds but i haven’t been on any for years.

i was diagnosed with pcos after a year of fighting with my OB to do the ultrasound/run the bloodwork. he finally did after i gained 115 lbs in a year- even though i eat healthily and work out 4-5 days a week and my left ovary is completely taken over by cysts, (he did an ultrasound the year before due to different concerns and there were NO cysts)

lately i’m feeling like i’m 13 again and i’m just numb. i cry all day every day and i’m slipping back into where i used to be and it is so upsetting and disappointing.

i’m just wondering if anyone has been through something similar? i’m scared to tell my parents (who have been taught how to handle my situation, they know how to calm me), but my husband doesn’t know what to do/say/react (i don’t blame him. i wouldn’t either)

i try not to be bitter- i try so hard. but i fall deeper and deeper into horrible thoughts and anxiety every time i see another pregnancy announcement, and does NOT help someone im very close to got pregnant her first round of trying. im extremely happy for her, but im so extremely sad for me and i don’t know how to navigate the feelings of having no purpose, being lost, always wondering “why not me?”. she sends me bump progress pictures almost daily- ultrasound pictures. she knows my struggle, my diagnosis. she knows it all.

should i speak with my doctor about these thoughts and see if i can be prescribed antidepressants again? i have no idea what to do. i’m ashamed in every aspect.