I want to go to my ex boyfriends funeral

I'm happily married to my husband whos I've been with 4 years and currently pregnant with our second child. I just found out my ex boyfriend died by cutting into his risk... And his family said I'm welcome to come to the funeral... My ex's name was Malcolm. I knew Malcolm in middle school. We became friends freshman year of high school and started dating when I was 16 he was 17. He was my first boyfriend and first man I ever loved. We were together for 7 years. Malcolm didn't have a good home life. He dealt with a crackhead mom who left and his dad hated him out of jealousy. Malcolm was tall, handsome, fit. All the girls wanted him and his dad hated it and always put him down. Which caused a lot of self esteem issues. My relationship with Malcolm was so toxic. He would constantly accuse me if cheating and then break down crying. One minute it seemed like he loved me, the next he acted like I was against him. He would start fights with me for no reason. He got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Plus he got into alcoholism and popping pills. He then started getting things done to him. His dad always put down his nose so he puts thousands of dollars to fix it. He paid a lot of money on different surgeries to make himself look how he wanted. Then he started using online dieting pills to work out because his dad used to call him a fat ass when he wasn't. He locked himself in the bathroom crying saying I was cheating on him when I wasn't. Then his mom came back into his life and she made everything worse. Supplied him with pills and the. Say he deserves nothing and he is nothing. He tried having a relationship with his dad but it didn't work out. When he went to college at 20 to try to find a career Malcolm got a friend who I didn't like not trust. He tried to convince Malcolm to cheat on me which he didn't. Then he told Malcom he liked him and he turned him down so he drugged Malcolm and raped him. He got 5 years in prison for that. He spiraled more over the year. I loved this man but the constant back and forth with his emotions was exhausting. Having to assure him 24/7 I wasn't cheating. Him blowing money on things that's supposed to make him "look better" when he was already fine. Finally.... I packed my stuff and left. He cried and begged me not to go but I did. Malcolm was a hurting person who didn't want help.... And I couldn't fix him.... He didn't want it. Malcolm randomly tried to call me a week ago. Its been 8 years since I last heard from him. He left me a voicemail saying that he didn't know why he called me. He said my voice always knew how to settle him when he's spiraling. And he's sorry for what he put me through and being a fuck up and everything his parents said he was and he hopes I'm living my best life... He killed himself the same night. I want to go to the funeral. My husband said do whatever I need to do to heal so he supports me going.... I don't think Malcolm was a bad guy. Just a lot of demons...and I will always have love for him.

Edit: Thx guys... I think I will go to the funeral. My husband is so supportive and was actually the reason I looked at Malcolm from a different perspective. I saw a extremely emotionally unstable toxic person and my husband when I explained Malcolm to him said he just sounded like a hurting person. What I am most sad about is Malcolm never found happiness and realized his worth. He never realized his parents are assholes and he didn't deserve what happened to him. Regardless of the things he did in our relationship, Malcolm deserved better in life.