Is my relationship healthy? A long overview.

I think it is, but I'm really paranoid and I know me and my partner both have mental illnesses.

People always say it's toxic not to fight? Like it's a bad sign? Is it? We've never actually had a genuine argument. The worst it gets is we get a little bit sad or shut down a little bit, but we both are able to be mature about our feelings, communicate our needs, talk about how we are feeling clearly. Yelling and any tyoe of verbal abuse is strictly prohibited in my relationship, and we never condescend to each other on purpose- if either person expresses hurt at something said, the other listens, hears them out & explains or apologizes. We just aren't disrespectful to each other and we let things go easily, I think due to the overall respect and goodness of the relationship. Like nothing & nobody is perfect- we aren't going to ruin a whole day being hung up about anything small.

I'm pretty self aware, and my partner can be too, but is emotionally repressed & sometimes doesn't feel their feelings. That makes me nervous, because I can't know how they feel, so how do I know they aren't just being polite to me and avoiding conflict? Because of that I double check with my partner about how they feel about things and ask about their needs and wants.

I think we both sort of try too hard to please the other sometimes.

We spend a majority of our time apart, even if living in the same home. We like it that way. We can always ask for space or more attention- but my partner barely needs attention sometimes.

We traveled across the country in my truck and slept together in the back. There was only one night I was unhappy with this.

I had to do more of the work & my partner never helped very much, but I am particular about my dishes. They never even offered to wash their own. I was in charge of running the household, even if a tiny one, like keeping track of laundry, most of the cleaning. They helped if asked and occasionally offered to help clean up.

They are staying with me now, and they are doing a bit better with cleaning up after themselves. But they don't offer to help very much when I have been very stressed- I think that's because they are focused on their own important project, and I think they simply don't consider they could help me. If I ask them to do something they will.

I complain a lot more than my partner. They listen and are very sweet to me. They never seem annoyed, but I feel like I could probably vent a bit less. I've been poor and depressed & get sick because chronic illness sometimes.

My partner doesn't really care very much about anything going on in the relationship or with me, they just want me to be available to give them attention when they want it. They seem to care most about the idea a bond exists, and are basically like a cactus, never needing anything more than a hug and for me to listen.

The sex life is a problem area sometimes, my partner is a bit insecure & it makes them avoid sex and fear criticism. And, given they are emotionally repressed, they are not really providing the connection and passion I desire. There's a lot of security and comfort between us, sex feels casual in a bad way instead of hot or kinky even doing kinky things? My partner is definitely very attractive and can satisfy me, it's more the lack of passion. But that's something we have worked on a little and I have not been thinking about it.

We are like best friends. We love each other a lot & have fun together.

But... we have talked about being polyam a lot, since we both want to remain pretty independent for our own reasons. We're supportive of each other's life decisions even if we have to be long distance again. I don't know if we will be close or far from each other or for how long.

My partner does send mixed signals about becoming polyam, but I think they are just a little scared, I am not really sure if it will be okay. But they've been talking about opening the relationship when they leave in January? They probably will leave? And I'd kinda prefer they didn't.

I've always preferred polyam, my partner always says they want that eventually, but haven't taken any opportunity yet & I think now they are almost ready?

Is this okay? I'm socially quite dense, ngl. I'm trying to make sure my partner is okay, but I am not sure how to do that if they say they are & want this?

I think they're just a bit nervous, and I am too. It's scary to change or risk losing people you love.

Also, we have this whole thing where we act like cats and meow at each other, it's playful and childish, but it's fun. I've recently questioned if this is just play or being too childish? My partner calls me mommy & I call them baby and we talk as if I am raising them to be independent. It's sort of part of our playful cutesy dynamic, but also I am trying to teach my partner some life skills they didn't have & help them feel secure in themselves.

But yeah, I know people can't fix each other and I'm not really holding my breath on fixing each other, I'm very cynical about love & relationships. Like i wish I could, I want to help, but I know I can't give a person self esteem- best I can do is show them how to do laundry or something lol

So yes we are crazy, but what do you think? Healthy or unhealthy? Room for improvement? What am I doing here? I mean I'm happy, but am I being delusional and not seeing this realistically?