I'm posting here cause I just need to vent. There was this guy in my class that I thought was very cool, I was growing interested in him. We ended up in the same group of friends. We never became very close, like I would have wanted to, and in that group of friends I wasn't feeling very comfortable, I didn't feel good to be myself, so I distanced myself from them. They would hang out outside of college and I would only go to a few of those times. They grew closer together and I felt like I was on my own. I wanted to strengthen my place in the group, but I just couldn't.

Later in time I started noticing how the guys in the group were chatting around me like they were plotting something. It made me really uncomfortable, more than what I already was. So anyway, I feel like the guy was trying to give me signals to get close to him, but he tried to make me jealous with another girl of the group which I didn't appreciate, I won't be put against other girls for a man to manipulate me.

I have the feeling this wasn't his idea, it was his friends, but I didn't like it. I didn't like the position I was put. I acted as if it didn't bother me, and honestly, what did he expect? For me to claim him mine? For me to explode? For me to fight her? I don't know. Things didn't happened as I wanted them to. The thing is I'm not sure if I like him that much you know, to tell him "I want you all for me" I don't know him that much, I was just interested. Now I feel like he thinks I'm not interested, but he won't tell me if he is too.

Now I feel sorry for everything that happened. I feel that if we could've gotten to know each other better we could have had something pretty great, because I feel we can get along pretty well. But now I don't know if to blame it on life or myself, that I wasn't brave, confident or bold enough. I felt very insecure and guilty, he doesn't deserve to have to handle my insecurities. But I know in my heart that's not how I wanted things to go down. If I had given into this game, I would have ended badly, because I would have felt unsure from the beginning.

That's all I have to say. Right now I'm torn between feeling regret and pride. Who knows what the future holds. Maybe I need to keep working on myself. Maybe things will happen more smoothly. Maybe they won't and it wasn't meant to be. Feel free to leave any opinions you may have. I want to be aware if I'm ruining my life😅