My first pregnancy resulted in my first mc. On Wednesday, at 13 weeks, I received the news that my little one’s heart had stopped beating. I went to urgent care for reasons (that I thought) were unrelated to this devastation. My blood work showed my hcg was much lower than it should be. I was instructed to go to the emergency room for an ultrasound. I knew before I even went. After a 6 hour ER visit, I was discharged and instructed to wait and watch as my body may pass it on its own. I had no idea how far along the baby made it to, and was given very minimal information other than I was still carrying my deceased baby. Luckily my OBGYN got me in quickly, where I received a follow up ultrasound that told me I had carried my baby for almost a month after it passed. This truly is one of those things you will never understand until it happens to you. And even then, each experience is unique in its own that we still won’t fully understand one another’s experience. I have pre-op on Monday to go over and schedule my D&C. I have began spotting, lightly bleeding, and cramping over these last few days. I can say that if there is a “silver lining” to this, it was that I was notified of what was going on prior to the symptoms. Otherwise I feel I may have been even more blindsided. I am hoping to make it to the procedure to limit the exposure to the graphic nature of this circumstance. My first pregnancy ended way too soon. I am stuck on where to go from here. I have no idea how quickly this goes, if my body will pass it before my appointment. I don’t know what recovery after the D&C will be like. I don’t know if/when I should try again. I just don’t know. Everyone asks how I’m doing, and I say I’m okay. Some days and minutes are harder than others. But I still don’t know. I can say I’m thankful for these apps and discussions where women can come together to support one another. If you made it to the end of this, please leave a comment sharing your experience. If you have a light at the end of the tunnel, please share that too. It helps me feel less alone, and give more hope to what may come in the following months.