My best friend tried ttc for months. When she finally got pregnant, she miscarried. Roughly 6 months later she told me she miscarried again. This time she had to be operated to look for the baby. They found nothing but she was traumatised. Both times she told me about the pregnancies after the losses. We cried together on phone as no one was allowed in hospital with her due to covid. She did tell me she doesnt even want to see kids which I understand. I have a child who is 2½. When I got pregnant 3 years ago, I told her before I tried and told her when I was 7 weeks pregnant. She was so happy for me and even threw me a shower. Back then she wasn't ttc yet so it was easy.

But now, knowing her pain. It is so hard for me to bring myself to tell her am pregnant with #2. I did hint on it back in May that I wanted a baby. But we basically avoid the baby topic when we talk. She doesn't like to talk about things that hurt her. I also try to not have my son in her face when we facetime.

Now am almost 14 weeks and I still haven't told her. A part of me hopes she is pregnant and she tells me she is in her 2nd trimester so that the news doesn't hurt her. But am scared she will be hurt if I don't tell her. She is on holiday and I want to wait until after the holiday season is done. Another part of me wants to postpone hurting her as much as possible. Another thinks maybe she should just see my bump? Or should I text her instead so she has time to absorb the news without feeling the pressure to pretend with me? I dont even know how I would explain why I took this long to tell her. I dont expect her to be happy for me at all because I cant imagine what she has been through. I just dont know what to do. If any of you have some advice, please give me all the tips on how to tell her and reduce her pain.

Thanks everyone for your tips. So I waited till after holidays. She flew back last week, I waited for her to first deal with this week's work stress. But she wanted to come see me tomorrow so I texted her like everyone said I should. I went straight to the point after greeting her, then explained why I waited this long to tell her, and that I didn't wait till weekend when she is off work to tell her because I didn't want her to come and be shocked by my bump. Also told her I understand if she cancels the visit. And I care and love her.

Well she replied 10 minutes later. Told me I ain't the first to do this to her. That she trusted me with her worst news and I didnt trust her with my best. That we aint friends anymore. That I told her only when I couldn't hide it anymore. She won't come and not any time soon. And I should have a good life.

I sat down and just felt tears come into my eyes. She has no idea how many weeks I spend wondering if it was always a good time. How many times I phrased my words and practiced, how many people I asked for help and tips. I truly didn't want to hurt her and being so scared of hurting her just ended up making me hurt her. I dont know if I should have told her first day. What did I do wrong? Also I understand it was gonna go wrong but I didnt expect her to cancel all our friendship. She is engaged. I was looking forward to planning her bridal shower, she is ttc, I was looking forward to out kids growing together. And much as I didnt expect her to be happy, now I feel insecure that she wants our friendship to end. If she got over it, how am I supposed to behave around her?

I havent replied yet because I feel like anything I say will be wrong. But not replying will also be bad. Do I let the friendship go or what do I do?