Please don’t judge me.

My loss has made me feel so low. The first period after my loss was emotionally much different after losing my baby at 11 weeks after ttc for 14 months. I was crushed, it was another cold rush of reality that I wasn’t prepared for. I thought that I was healing after that awful D&C.

I’m now 5 dpo and I just have so much anxiety.

I’m not afraid of being pregnant but I am all at the same time. I’m afraid of not getting another chance. I am so afraid that I’m going to have another period. I keep taking ovulation tests and pregnancy tests like it is going out of style. I just want peace and joy back, at this point I don’t feel it very often.

I feel so robbed after all of the things my husband and I have been through trying for a baby. I have had an HSG which was horrible because I had a blocked tube that they had to manipulate manually. Numerous blood draws (over 8) and driving 30 mins or more to get there. Semen analysis, and then Clomid. I feel like there is no end in sight.

I just keep waiting and it’s killing me.