How long does it take you to get over an ex?

Question

It’s been 3 months since my ex and I broke up and I still think about him every day 😔  there’s a guy who’s interested in being in a relationship with me, and I probably will be in a relationship with him soon, but I feel like I’d still always think about my ex.

Answer

Well it's very complicated, and you just kinda have to get to know how you are on this type of issue.
For me it depends. I've broken up with people and not gotten over them for years and years, and I've broken up with people who I was already over before we broke up or I completely gave up. 
I'm not naturally very monogamous, however, so it's a bit normal for me to have feelings for multiple people. It just feels like monogamy makes me have to supress those feelings or pretend they are not there. And I think that can be painful for some people. It keeps them from processing a breakup fully and adds guilt and shame to the mix. 
So be honest with yourself here. Even if you do like this other person, don't force yourself to emotionally be over the situation with your ex. Acknowledge that you are not over it, and that it's normal to need to process it. You can even try being honest with your new potential partner. It can be very scary, because some people will be scared off, or don't want to hear about that type of thing. But for me, it's rewarding to be honest with others, because at least I know they truly consent to the relationship and accept me for how I actually am. 
I don't just get over people once I care about them, at least not easily. I think that's actually just human. 
But, being polyam, I don't think processing needs to stop *every* person from pursuing other relationships. That's really up to the individual, if they think they can and it feels right for them, then I don't see why you should put life on hold, just because sometimes some people aren't ready to move on. It's okay not to be ready, but I think that's very personal. Only you really know what you can handle or what you are ready for. 
Can you manage to process your feelings about this past relationship and reliably commit to this new person? 
And when practicing monogamy, I think it is not acceptable to break up for another person. Do you think you could avoid being distracted by the ex if they come back wanting you back or something, while in a new relationship? 
If no or you are not sure- you are not ready for a new monogamous commitment and I suggest you do not make such a promise to someone before it is healthy or an expectation you can live up to.

Answer

Complicated question, depends on the ex and the relationship

Answer

It varies by person, how long you’ve been together, what you experienced when you were with that partner, how much baggage you have, if there was abuse or manipulation or anything toxic that was involved, some people can jump in to whatever the relationship easily while others take longer, there’s no timeline for healing, there’s no timeline for grieving, there’s no timeline for anything it’s by person and buy situation. My first love I didn’t have it until I was 30. I was with him a year and a half, and it took me a year and a half to get over him. My second love at 33, I was with him for five years, I dealt with miscarriages, I dealt with so much bullshit because I didn’t wanna be alone. It took me from December 2017 until February 2020 to truly get over him. From December 17 until￼￼ 2018 I worked on myself. By 2019 I started dating again however I still wasn’t over, I was more to fill a void, loneliness, that type of thing. I dated two guys but they just wanted to use me and get my pants, by October 2019 I found a decent guy, but I truly wasn’t over him until February 2020. When I actually got feelings for the new guy. And when the pandemic happen, the relationship basically went down the drain because we never saw each other. I moved on by June 2020, And I wasn’t over the new guy until￼ Until 11 months in with a newer one when I finally caught feelings for him. Like I said before people can jump from one to another, some people take longer depends how emotionally involved you were, how long you were together, etc. amount of trauma, and bullshit that you had to go through. Takes time, no matter how the relationship ended whether in death, cheating, ghosting etc. Everyone moves on at their own right, the heal at their own rate, And sometimes people just don’t wanna be alone and they settle for whatever will have them. Good luck either way

How long does it take you to get over an ex?

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