Relationships are hard

I tried to tell my guy what was bothering me.

I said exactly what was in my head this time, cause I usually try to filter everything to the point where I don’t make sense. I walk on eggshells around everyone basically. It’s just the feeling I always have, that I can’t be fully honest because I don’t want to hurt anyone, even if it’s their fault.

Everytime I try to do say what’s bothering me it’s to much for him. He asks for it, he tells me to tell him and then he says “well idk what to say” or he gets defensive/frustrated he leaves me to go be alone or go for a walk.

I don’t want to be left. I am really hurt by this, it feels like rejection. I already have abandonment fears so maybe that intensifies it. I just needed to rant..