So I date a man who already had 5 kids, I got pregnant within months of meeting him, very fast relationship, I was young at the time and he was much older. I do genuinely like him and he’s a great dad to my kid, so Iv done everything I can to make this relationship work. This issue is gonna focus mainly on his youngest daughter. Iv tried my best to form relationships with all his kids, they love me when I’m buying them things and driving them to friends house but the second I ask them to pick their shoes up in the living room or that I don’t like that’s is already dark out and we can’t reach their dad for an answer so I’m gonna say no they can’t go out with friends that night then Im “not their mom” and they’ll yell at me and call me names and slam doors in my face. And my boyfriend who works 70 hours a week is never home to see it and takes their side every time.

But his youngest, he split with his ex wife when she was 6 months old and didn’t get to see her again until after she was a year. I when I say he SPOILS this kid. Which I completely understand, all’s fine, this is my problem. I have my son the one I share with him who lives withs us full time duh and his kids visit every when ever. His ex wife lives down the street so there is no real custody kids come and go as they please. Soon as the youngest comes over my boyfriend treats my son different. Like they both are the babies of their family and at their homes neither has to share toys or attention (she’s 7btw, my sons 3) so when they get together it’s usually a hot mess. Here’s where my problems lie. My boyfriend 100% of the time takes his daughters side. I watch them play all day she won’t share her toys with my son but has no problem going in his room and taking his toys. And of course he’s 3 so he wants the toy she has, so I’ll try and get him doing something else since my boyfriend makes no effort to correct her behavior. So I’ll go take my son to start doing his puzzles in another room and 2 seconds later my step daughter is on top of us taking pieces out of my son hands. And I’m trying to explain sharing to her but my son is getting frustrated and pulls her hair. Now I’m trying to calm my son down and explain that we don’t pull hair, and next time it happens we are putting the puzzle away. And what does my step daughter do go just bawling to her dad “my son hit her, my son hit her.” To which my boyfriend comes in the room screaming and yelling and spanking my son and taking his puzzle from him. And I just don’t find it fair and I’m getting really fed up with it. He spanked my son on Christmas because he threw a toy at my step daughter because she wasn’t letting him in the tent he received for Christmas. And I had already gotten up to tell him “we can’t throw things, let your sister have a turn, her moms picking her up tomorrow and you can have the tent all you want tomorrow.” Ect but my boyfriend beat me to the room. And I’m gonna say this and I know I get hate for it, I don’t really have a problem with spanking. When it’s like Iv spent hours/days using gentle parenting and every other parenting there is and my son keeps trying to turn the stove on. Then ya I’ll use fear to keep my son from burning down the house, but I don’t feel is necessary other kids not sharing toys. And soon as my step daughter leaves, my sons the king, my boyfriend is taking him the store buying him anything he puts in the cart, taking him home and letting him which his shows on the big tv cooking him food. So I don’t feel like this complete 180 of where his dad hates him every time his siblings are over is really fair or good for my son. Last night this all kind of came to head. And Iv expressed my dislike for my boyfriends behavior before all I gotta hear is some sob story how she’s the baby at her moms house and she doesn’t understand when she comes here she’s gotta share, and he never gets to see her so he doesn’t want to spend the day or two he has yelling at her.

So last night my step daughter and her cousin had complained several times that my son was throwing things being rough. In his room btw but I get that’s the only room we have for the kids to play in. So I call my son out and have him sit with us adults. We were having a small birthday dinner for me. He eats with us all is calm and then he takes off when he sees the girls playing musical chairs in the kitchen. They are being rough pushing each other off chairs, pulling the chairs away from each other. But the second my step daughter gets her hair pulled she’s coming to my boyfriend just bawling now his whole family is giving me dirty ass looks and now I’m yelling at my son making a scene and I hate it. And my boyfriend completely went off after they left that I never discipline my son and even went as far as to compare to a cousin who everyone stopped inviting because of how his kids act. Like I genuinely don’t know what to do.

Also as to why my son has a room, because his kids are pissed about this. So when I moved into the 2 bedroom with my boyfriend he had a room for his kids. He then threw everything out and made it a room for his oldest son. Not caring that his other kids had no where to sleep now. When we moved to another 2 bedroom his oldest son moved with us. My son stayed in our room with us. Again his other kids had no where to sleep, my boyfriend didn’t care. When we moved to a 3rd bedroom, my boyfriend wanted his son to go back to his moms for some more stability and since she doesn’t have enough rooms in her house we would take the middle daughter. So my boyfriend set the 3rd bedroom up as a room for his middle daughter again not caring there was no where else for his other kids to sleep. But when I made the second bedroom, a bedroom for my son then I was excluding his kids and they have no where to sleep now and they feel so left out. My boyfriend and I got this apartment together, my names on the lease and we discussed when moving I only looked for 3 bedrooms so my son could finally have his own room. My boyfriend is fully aware of this but since his kids are upset I’m the bad guy now. I just hate the 180 when his kids are here. It’s just getting beyond frustrating.