Husband icu

My husband is in the icu, critically ill he was put on the ventilator again today. Today I had to witness him suffocate and his oxygen went to 0 in front of me and watch him being put on the ventilator. He has pneumonia and it really bad. He never drank his medicine like he was suppose to it became severe plus damages to his lungs and the infection is bad. He was trying to cough up the mucus, but his lung were to weak to expel it, and it clog up his air pockets. It’s been 10 days since he been there, 1 day is ok the next is bad, Nurse keep telling me that he not going to make it. Dr is still giving him antibiotics and meds for his treatment. I am 11 weeks away from being due. I feel helpless and in miserable pain. I feel like I’m dying slowly with him. We still have 4 kids 15,13,11,7. I go through our pictures and videos. And our previous text messages, because I miss him so bad. I feel my heart is broken and bleeding slowly. Like someone stomp on it, it’s heavy, it’s leaking blood slowly by the hour. I never expected my life turn out this way. He only 38, and I’m 32. My mom and family and friends are worry about my pregnancy. Which I do to a point too. But I’m literally dying inside. Im in so pain I don’t know how I can live my life without him. I love him so much. We been together 18 years. He was my first love. He was my first everything. We went to hell and back, we had arguments, horrible fights. But we grown patience’s for one another, we work it out, we went through thick and thin. I think about things he use to say and things we use to do. I felt bad because I wish I hold him more or hug him more. He use to complain why I don’t hug him to sleep. And he hugs me all night. I use to want to feel comfortable and get a restful night sleep. Now I wish I could hug and hold him tight at night until the end of time. Im afraid of losing him. I still pray. I barely sleep. I don’t even feel any pregnancy discomfort because I just want to be by him. Because of covid icu only let me visit from 10-6 and everyday I sit with him there. I just want to express my feelings because I just want too. There just to much information and why and when and what, but I don’t want to get into the details. I just hope there will be a tomorrow where I can sleep next to him again. We should always cherish the one next to us, because now I know why they say tomorrow is not a promise.