Alright guys this is kind of a long one so please bear with me.

My kids’ dad and I have been together for 6 years. We’ve over come major issues like emotional abuse, possessive behavior (etc.), and his drug addiction. For the past year and a half, it felt like he emotionally checked out. He just went through the motions of being here. He didn’t wanna spend time together, go on dates, hangout with our kids, he just played his Xbox (and I mean 7-10 hours a day, every day). After excessive attempts to discuss how I felt (and being told I’m controlling for having an issue with his game). I finally came to the conclusion I was done. He has wanted to try and make it work, so for a month he was trying to be better. It hasn’t made a difference. I’m still hurt. (He checked out during my pregnancy with our second kid and has only recently really interacted with her. She’s 11 months old). So I told him it’s not working and I think we should break up. The next day, he had a mild heart attack (he has a heart condition called wpw) and when he was at the hospital, they found a mass behind his heart that they need to biopsy to see if it’s cancerous. The hospital called me and I picked him up, he looked me in the eye and said “I don’t want to die without you”

Y’all am I terrible for this? I’m terrified of something being wrong with him, even if we aren’t working out, we have kids. He’s my co parent. But even still, I don’t want him back.

(After this recent break up he got so angry that he broke things in my apartment, wrote “whore” on my wall in sharpie and also on the bumper of my car. He texted my bosses at work and told them that I’m a piece of shit and they made a mistake hiring me. And he did all of the yelling and breaking things in front of our 4 year old)