Ok so before I start, please don’t judge, don’t be mean or too harsh. I’ve really been struggling and I need some help.

More often than not, I have days where I will fixate on something that I feel is “something that went wrong”. For example, my bf not giving me a gift or a card for my 18tg birthday, my bf not paying attention to me when I hit a strike in bowling, my bf going to go play basketball during his family’s New Years party.

I know that these examples are focused on my bf but that’s because I think about these the most. And I cry. And I won’t be able to stop thinking about them. I think about how I spoil him like crazy and will do anything for him, and believe me he would too and I know that. But he’s not like me in that sense, so he does things in a way that I might not necessarily like.

But I will literally keep thinking about all of such things and just cry. I won’t be able to fall asleep because my mind will keep going deeper and deeper into these thoughts. And it’s like torture. And I will wish that I could change it, but I cant. I cant go back in time.

And then I get upset with myself about all of the time I’ve wasted.

And I try to be positive. And be happy like so many other people around me. But I cant. This doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, it feels like hell.

Does anyone know of something that I could do? How f-ed up am I? And don’t blame my bf please. He really is a sweetheart that tries his best, but I think I’m just too demanding. I will place a thought in my mind and focus on it, and then when something doesn’t happen like what I thought/envisioned of, I get upset.

What can I do to help myself?

Thanks :)