Smoke one for me!!

Can someone with more than one child tell me it gets easier?

So I’ve been having pretty bad nightmares of my baby. Either where I hurt him or someone else does 😞 my fiancé has woken me up a few times from crying in my sleep to mumbling.

I’ve been having a hard time with my mental health. My baby is a really good baby!! But I was not prepared on how lonely it feels to be with my baby. My fiancé gets to just up and leave and do whatever he wants when he wants. Me, I have to time my poop breaks… sometimes even where I have to hold it in ( sorry tmi!). He’s also the breadwinner, so I feel like he thinks since he pays for everything he doesn’t have to do for the baby because I have “all the time in the world”.

Also have a hard time letting others watch him. I feel like a hawk, but always wanting a mini break. It’s so hard. Im also a sahm, not really by choice but it’s fine I’d rather be the one with my baby than someone else. Especially with covid, I don’t want to take him to a daycare.

I tried applying for jobs, but even with breastfeeding it’s just so hard to be without baby. I tried pumping and saving milk and giving him bottles but he does not care for it!

I don’t regret anything of my baby, but just thought it would be different, especially with my fiancé…. Just wish he helped me more. After all, we did make him together..