Anyone dealt with an abusive bf or husband? Can you share your experience.

Question

Idk if I’m in denial or in shock. Do abusers always abuse or do they have episodes where they’re sweethearts?
When my partner is angry he curses and name calls me and just tells me the worst. He apologizes quickly as in the next day. It’s not like he ignores me ….he apologizes the next day. He has quick outbursts then regrets it. 
Well it happened last night and today he apologized. He was being sweet and even told me he booked a hotel to have a getaway near Malibu. Malibu is a beach area in California. Said he wants to make love and all this cute stuff so we can strengthen our relationship. 
Just feels weird to me like this cycle will repeat again?

Answer

He booked that trip as a way to manipulate you into “forgetting” or forgive him for being emotionally/verbally abusive towards you. This is a cycle and it will repeat. 
It’s quite common for abusers to abuse then act nicely, giving gifts, telling you their sorry doing whatever it takes to make you think it won’t happen again but it will..

Answer

At first my ex was so sweet. We would talk for hours. Hang out go clubbing. Dance. Enjoy life. But as soon as we moved in together things changed. He started wanting me to dress different. Said it was things he liked. He wanted me to look good. I was young and i thought he loved me so i went a long with it. Had all kinds of clothes and shoes. All of a sudden it changed to abuse. And happened quickly. For example the first time he hit me i had went out with my girls for a girls night. Got a bit too tipsy so they called him to pick me up. He was sweet in front of the girls then in the car on the way home he told me how dare i go out and be so embarrassing. He punched me in my eye. Blacked my eye. I was so in shock that i didnt know what happened. We get home. I have a swelled eye. I cried. He said he was sorry blah blah. And it just progressed from there. In total in our relationship i had a broken nose a broken jaw he literally punched me in my vagina once bc i tried to kick him off of me bc he was beating me. He threw me down stairs. He threatened to kill my mom. He pulled a gun on me and put it to my temple. He cut my hair off with a knife. I am crying right now bc of all the trauma that man has put me through. I finally left while he was in jail for his 3rd domestic violence against me. 
My husband knows everything i have went through prior to him. I made it very clear if you ever put your hands on me we are through. It takes a lot sometimes for one to leave a toxic relationship. It took me 3 years. 
Every abuse situation is different. But that is how mine went. Before that man i had never been disrespected or belittled or abused in any way. I am so thankful to God that i made it out alive.

Answer

Yes.
It’s a cycle, they’ll curse at you , degrade you, hit you and turn wrong doing onto you. Than they’ll bring you flowers, talk sweet, apologize and just love bomb you.
That’s how they keep you , and they know they have control over you. Eventually it gets worse because they know you won’t leave them. They know they have the control over you.
When you do leave, they’ll panic. They realize they are losing control over you.
For me, when I left the final time. My abuser realized he lost control over me. He starred showing up at my work, at my parents place. He would cal my friends and family to try to talk me back into dating him again. 
I stood my ground. It was really hard because I had a trauma bond with him. I cried a lot, not because I missed him but because he made me so stressed out. I felt like I had to look over my shoulder everywhere I went. Whenever he did show up in person in front of me. I pretended he wasn’t there. Never spoke a word to him.
After 6 months he stopped trying. I was finally free. He found a new girl to control.
May advice get out while you can.

Answer

That’s exactly how it happens. It’s not always abuse all day everyday. They abuse and then love bomb. It’s how they get you to stay. You get confused. Hope it won’t happen again. Try and figure out the triggers they have. Once you think things are good. It’s not. Please get out.

Answer

Yeah, he needs help to deal with those outbursts because that's not normal and it's not okay.
It's very damaging to people close to him - like a partner.

Anyone dealt with an abusive bf or husband? Can you share your experience.

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