So just some background information, I've always been a abusive relationships, and I'd never really found a man who treated me and my kids right or like my kids were as important as their own.

This past year I found the best man I could have ever asked for, he loved my kids, called them his, and we were trying for a baby together. I'm 32 and he was 37.

Last week we found out we were pregnant and we were so excited. He had a 3 year old son that drowned at the babysitters in 2008 and hadn't had anymore children.

He proposed to me on Christmas <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.eve">Eve</a>, and we even got it on video. He got my brother in law and his wife to help him set it up, it was the sweetest thing ever.

Then my world got turned upside down, he had really bad asthma, and had an attack on the way home from work. He went to his father's house trying to get help, and ended up having cardiac arrest, and they worked on him for a half an hour or more in the ambulance from his dad's to the hospital. They got his heart restarted, but he was completely unresponsive. Where they only allow one visitor because of covid his mother went over because I had no one to watch the kids. They transferred him to the ICU at another hospital, and yesterday we were allowed to go see him. My mom watched the kids and I met his parents up there. By the time I got there they were ready to take him out for a brain scan, but it was completely a formality. He had been having seizures all night and his brain had swelled and there was no blood going to his brain. So they called it yesterday afternoon, and i had to say goodbye.

No one close to me has ever died and I'm falling apart. I cried all day yesterday and the night before. I'm completely beside myself and I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I called my local crisis hotline and it's 4 am and the woman fell asleep on the phone with me!!!! I was crying in this woman's ear and she fell asleep. So I hung up. I don't know where to turn or what to do. Our kids (he claimed them as his own and wanted to adopt them) are beside themselves, our 7 year old wanted to sleep with me last night and just kept saying "I just want dad to come back". I don't know how to handle this. I can't eat because I feel so sick and have no appetite. I cannot lose this baby because this is all i have left of him. I don't know how I'm going to go on without him. I just woke up and forgot and then it all hit me at once. We didn't even get married we were planning on it in the spring. We have no pictures together because we just didn't think anything about it. My anxiety is through the roof and I'm so depressed.

Im sorry this post is so long I just don't know how to handle this. Thank you for reading in advance 😭💔