Firstly I’d like to say that my current appearance is the most euphoric I’ve consistently been. And I’m very happy about it.

But I’m worried sick. About everything outside my present self. What if no one in my family ever uses my name or pronouns? What if I get disowned? What if my boyfriend loves the girl he met, not the person I am? What if I get beaten or assaulted? I know ill have to deal with transphobes but how far will they go with it? What if my family gets attacked over my gender? Or my friends? Or my workplace? My home? What if I’m not satisfied with T? What if I want to go back? What if I get a reduction because I have enough related health problems to get insurance to cover it but then I want a full removal? What if something goes wrong with my transition? I’m so scared. I want so badly to just be a girl but it’s awful. I can’t take it. I couldn’t recognize the girl looking back in the mirror. I’m never going to have it easy and be happy. One of the other, or neither. I feel so fucked up and broken.