Turned off when guys are really nice?

Question

Does anyone else get turned off from a guy when he’s being like extra nice? Not the shady type of nice, like just a guy is genuinely interested in you and he’s trying to be extra nice to get your attention and show you he cares. I mean all I know is really bad relationships so I feel terrible that it’s so weird and off putting to me that someone being nice and a gentleman feels like a “turn off”. Am I the only crazy one who feels like this and how do I stop feeling like that?? For some reason it sends me full panic mode and then I want to avoid the guy. Like I obviously want to be treated well by a man and the second one does treat me exceptionally well I’m ready to bolt and be alone and I hate that. 😩

Answer

Ahhh, nope. I married him and not only do I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, but he has made me a better person. He cares about my needs, wants, and desires and he supports my decisions through thick and thin. In my opinion, men like that are hard to come by.

Answer

I used to, that’s one of the reasons I friendzoned my husband when we first met. When we met we went on a date, he drove, picked a nice place, we had amazing conversation, super respectful. Didn’t try to bring me back to his place or touch me or kiss me or anything. At the end of the night he gave me a hug and said that it was great to meet me and he enjoyed spending time with me. He was a gentleman, didn’t try anything inappropriate, always texted back, just was a great guy to me. But I wasn’t used to that, I had just gotten out of a very toxic relationship and all that I knew up until him was guys who only wanted sex, or guys who wanted to be exclusive but then would talk to other women, or guys that were just jerks. I felt like without him inappropriately pursuing me that it meant there was no attraction. I felt like a hug at the end of the date meant it didn’t go well for him. 
While I found him attractive, and loved everything about him. I was just used to trash guys, so I didn’t even recognize the potential and friendzoned him. After a few years we hung out more, talked almost daily, then he randomly told me he was in love with me. And I honestly didn’t realize up until that point that I also loved him, I loved him like crazy, but didn’t even realize it lol

Answer

Perhaps you’re just used to guys being jerks, or have come from a toxic relationship past, or could be a lot of things really. But normally when a guy is nice to you, I used to be this way myself, and I would friend zone the guy, nice guys finish last, I always stayed at the bad boy, not anymore, I’ve learned my lesson, when you tolerate enough bullshit eventually you want the nice guy and not the bullshit that comes with him.

Answer

My dad and brother were such assholes growing up. There was no way I'd ever go for one myself, nooo thanks. You're probably just stuck in the cycle of being in toxic relationships and feed off that energy so you don't know how to handle someone who is not toxic.

Answer

They might just not be the one.  I’ve “tried,” to like guys who are overly nice and I think I just wasn’t attracted to them overall.  Nothing wrong with that.  My husband is a DREAM.  He’s so so kind, but I’m also incredibly attracted to him and madly in love.

Answer

It could be maybe you’re afraid that these nice guys are putting in an act like sometimes abusive men or just shitty men in general do. They act like Prince Charming to reel you in and then once you’re attached they begin their cycle of abuse. But not all men are like that and I’m sure you know that. Maybe it’s something you need to reflect on or even see a therapist about.

Answer

I am the same girl
It’s because we are used to shitty guys 
Give him a chance if you are attracted to him and there is chemistry..the fact that he’s nice is the biggest bonus
Not many guys are like that these days

Answer

I definitely used to. But I had one too many toxic/ abusive relationships & realized I can’t keep doing this, I don’t want to be with men like this.. I learned from it, healed & grew up. Decided to go for a genuine nice man & I would never go back. I’ve never been with anyone who treats me better or makes me feel as respected as this man does.

Answer

Not me. My first serious bf out of high school was a shitty bf. We got engaged before he got into drugs, treated me like shit, cheated on me, used me. Since that relationship I have known what I wanted a good man who treats me well and I have found that in my husband. I know my worth and what I deserve. Do I regret ever being with my ex fiancé….no I don’t because I leaned a lot from that relationship and before he got on drugs to was a awesome person.

Answer

I think this is rooted in your psychology and development, so it's not really your fault you are attracted to the wrong people. I imagine to change this at all, you would need to work on a lot of things within yourself. 
One of the psychologists I listen to said we all pick the right partners for ourselves in any given time in our life- and that means, if we hate ourselves or want punishment we are going to pick people who are sure to hurt or torture us. If we are avoidant (like I am), we are going to select people who are also avoidant, who we can sense we will not be that close to- because we are, at our core, deeply threatened by true intimacy. As much as we may want it, at times, we cannot really allow ourselves to be with someone who is fully able to be close. 
I think that's why I am continually attracted to people who aren't emotionally very available, mostly people who are not neurotypical- and often they have stunted empathy & dark triad traits, a lot of narcissists. 
But at this stage I need to date people who have good character. I'm not attracted whatsoever to someone who isn't avoidant- someone with a secure attachment style, someone normal lol- but I require kindness now much more than before. I am completely repelled by abusive or disrespectful behavior. 
It sounds like you haven't reached that stage, of being repelled? But it also may just mean, like me, you want to find people who don't necessarily offer normal levels of intimacy, but are actually decent people. 
I guess you have to figure out what exactly is repelling you. And also work on some things within yourself so that you don't want to be hurt, at least. 
We can't always change so that we are able to be in perfectly normal relationships, but we can at least shift enough to avoid abuse and complete chaos.

Turned off when guys are really nice?

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