Greatful and regretful

Second time pregnant but not as giddy as my first time around. We tried for over a year to get pregnant again and now we are having twin boys, that leaves me being a mother of 3!!!

I never wanted 3 kids, to me that’s just no life beyond being a mother. We were really happy about the pregnancy until I was told we’re having twins. I panicked, I cried and I was ready to go through abortion. Even if it meant the risk of never being pregnant again, I was willing to settle with having just my LO. But my husband couldn’t and wouldn’t go through with it.

I’m scared of failing to handle 3 children, of seeing the rest of my life just picking after kids and the chaos that comes with it.

I’m truly Greatful but I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle the responsibility of 3 children. I will have plenty of help from family but to constantly pass my kids in the hand of others doesn’t sit well with me.

Can anyone relate? Is there some way to ease this anxiety?