My dad passed away almost two years ago. It was April 2020, so right at the beginning of COVID.

My dad and I had a good relationship, and he was the main father figure in my daughters life. But he did not take care of himself, at all. He had an array of medical issues, and wouldn’t do the things to care for himself.

It made me angry at him.

My dad died, and now I don’t know what to do. I was 23 when he died, and almost two years later, I still don’t know what to do.

I’m mad that he didn’t take care of himself and now he’s not here.

I’m mad that he died when I was pregnant, and my son never got to meet him.

I’m mad that my mom moved on within a few months, and has remarried, and pretty much let all responsibility towards my sister and myself go. She doesn’t call. She doesn’t visit. I’m mad that my daughter went from seeing my parents almost every day, to my dad dying and my mom never coming around. If we make plans, she cancels.

I even get mad that other people have their dads and I don’t. It’s not that I want other people to lose their dad.:: I just want mine.

I’m heartbroken. It’s hard to breathe sometimes. I don’t have anybody in my life who has lost a parent at a young age. I’m trying to raise my family, and I could really use my dad. My kids need their grandfather. I don’t know what to do with this hole in our lives where he used to be.

I feel like I should be further along in the grieving process than I am. It seems like everyone has moved on, but I can’t.

I know this is just rambling, but I felt like I need to tell someone, anyone, how angry I am. How hurt I am, and how alone I am.

Vacuum suggestions!