So my ex and I finally are separated. Which I’m happy for. But in the end I lost custody. He got full custody by default. And what I mean is in the beginning of the separation his mom placed a restraining order against me and put my children on it along with him. So when we went for custody Legal Aid told me they couldn’t represent me or help me in any way due to the restraining order. But I couldn’t afford a lawyer at all. My ex knew this. And due to the restraining order against me they couldn’t give me custody at all. I know your going to ask, why did she get a restraining order? Well, she never liked me. And even called my kids hers before the divorce. And the one time I showed up to get my kids (because it was my weekend) I was livid because she refused to give me my kids and she locked them in her apartment. And I did scream at her and such. I did threaten to pop her tires (I know, I shouldn’t have even said it but I did). But I didn’t pop her tires. I left. A few months later someone destroyed his moms car. Im talking popped her tires, keyed her car, all of that. She claimed it was me and used that (along with saying I held a knife to her while she was holding my son which I never did) to get her restraining order. I missed the court date due to a car accident I was involved in so they gave it to her. I had proof that I didn’t do it. Im talking camera footage at the time her tires were popped, my phone has a tracker on it (because my new partner and I track each other) and I took screenshots of my location that day which was NO WHERE near her house. All of this really screwed me over. The thing is, in the divorce papers it says I’m not pregnant (I’m almost 31 weeks) even though I stated in court previously that I was expecting. Well when they awarded my ex full custody they also gave him child support. But I don’t know how they expect me to pay anything when I don’t work. I CANT work. My pregnancy is high risk. The papers said within 7 days I had to go apply for a job. But my doctor WONT let me work. On top of that, I KNOW the child support isn’t for my ex. HE DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE KIDS. HE GAVE THEM TO HIS MOM AND PUBLICLY STATED “I don’t wanna do this anymore, I don’t like being a single parent” he also stated he would just give the kids to his mom and move on with his life with his current girlfriend. In the same breath he also decided to post that he wanted to hit me KNOWING I’m pregnant. Im just in awe at what a piece of work he is. Did I also mention he’s an active alcoholic and drug user? Im not trying to bash him, I’m just stating facts. He only has the kids because he kicked me out and forced me to leave without our kids. The main reason I left without a fight was because this man has put his hands on me multiple times. I even have pictures of the holes he put into walls while trying to attack me. I have chronic depression and chronic anxiety and he only made all of that worse. Im just surprised that through all of this, the courts refused to help me. They refused to appoint me an attorney and didn’t even try to offer me resources after I explained I need help. I do plan on taking him back for custody after his moms restraining order against me is up. I miss my kids and haven’t seen them since 2020 when this all started. I dont expect sympathy, I know to an extent that I deserve this outcome. But some days I wonder if I should’ve stayed and let him continue to abuse me. Because then I’d at least have my older two kids. For now I was advised to getting back on disability so I have something to help me pay the child support (I received disability for over 6 years prior but when they noticed him cashing my checks they took it since we weren’t married at the time). This is not how I expected my life to end up. And I’m mad at myself for not making better choices. Im sorry if I ranted, but I have no one to really talk to.