I feel robbed

This is my second and last pregnancy I have a scheduled c section on the 22nd at noon due to little dude being breech. And while my doctor is delivering my man he’s going to perform a tubal (between my husband and I we will have 4 kids).

I feel like I’m getting robbed to be honest. My first was vaginal. I wanted to spontaneously go into labor no medical intervention. And I was looking forward to the “is this labor?” “I think I’m in labor” whole part of pregnancy. But now I feel that has been taken away from me. We had an ultrasound to confirm he was breech still yesterday and he is and my doctor said they would do another when I checked into L&D next week. But my little guy has been in the exact same position since at least 27 weeks so I highly doubt he will be moving. Plus I am terrified at the thought of a c section. I have never had any surgeries. I’m a person of high anxiety/OCD (diagnosed) and the thought of being awake and being cut open being able to feel tugging and pulling while having my tubes removed causes me so much anxiety. As well as the thought “what if the anesthesia wears off?” “What if they don’t get the epidural in due to my scoliosis?”

The original plan was for husband to have a vasectomy and he was going to but at the beginning of the pregnancy I told him if I happened to have a C-section and the doctor would do it at the same time I would take the bullet for him. Well of course now that’s exactly what’s happening and I’m just terrified of the thought of being awake. Husband says he will still get the procedure since he can tell it’s bothering me but I am going to do it. It makes more sense. I guess this is more of a rant to express how I feel at 1am when I can’t sleep.