Need advise

Hello there ladies I am once again in the two week wait waiting and praying for my chance . Anyways I am expecting my period in 4 to 5 days . I am usually very regular. I never take tests before but this cycle I am and going crazy. On Saturday I took a rapid clear blue it was negative at 6 am then I woke back up later and it was positive . So I cried , I just lost my pop pop so I am Hoping he did it for me . I know that sounds crazy. Anyhoo Sunday am I already had like 5 pees in before 8 am ans I took a test and it was negative . I have felt strange all week but it could all be in my head but I don’t know what to do I am going crazy . I didn’t test today Bc I’m like I gotta wait I still haven’t missed my period . Anyways any help would be great. Thank you. I’m 38 almost trying for years and i want a child more then anything .