I just turned 36. My husband and I decided we wanted one together as he has no children of his own: I have 4 teenagers with my 1st husband. So we had a tubal reversal 9/23/2019. We’ve had 15 miscarriages and a ruptured ectopic last July (2021) that caused the removal of my 10 week fetus and my left tube as it was destroyed from the rupture. I had no idea I was pregnant. I found out I was pregnant January 9th 2022 and I was scared to death. We heard the heartbeat February 8th. A few days ago I noticed my breasts which were so painful and full and super veiney were all of the sudden barely sore, I didn’t “feel” pregnant and had a bad feeling… intuition if you will. Two days ago I started bleeding bright red. I knew. Even though we had never gotten far enough to hear a heart beat and the risks of miscarriage goes down to 1-3% at that point… I just knew. Contractions started late last night and I woke up bleeding twice last night. At 10am the pain intensified. At 1123am I instinctively pushed and delivered my daughter. We had a sneak peek done a week ago. I delivered her into my hand and could see her tiny limbs in the sac and her head with her teeny tiny eyes looked up at me. I’m so sorry for the TMI. I can’t get that image out of my head and I couldn’t just let her go down a drain. I don’t know what to do with her remains. I just can’t discard her like waste. She was ours and she was loved. She was wanted more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life. I’ve never experienced a loss like this. I don’t know how to cope. My husbands afraid this may break me and cause me to go crazy… I think I’m already there. I don’t want to give up our dream of a little girl with my dark hair and his beautiful blue eyes but I don’t think I can handle another loss… we went the fertility clinic road and had testing and there’s no explanation on why…. What do we do? How do we achieve our dream? The only thing I did different this cycle is take baby aspirin after ovulation… any clue what could be the cause of so many losses? Your advice and experiences would be most helpful. Prayers light and love to everyone TTC or pregnant 💜🙏🏼💙