How do you deal with the incompetence of men ?

I've been married twice, at one point both of them felt like my child because they couldn't do simple things as far as household chores, the care of the kids or even grocery shopping.......

In my first marriage it came to an end because he was not willing to compromise he was OK with me working like a pack mule. We have 2 kids together, we agreed to joint custody I've had to teach my kids a few things like easy meals to cook when they're away cuz they tell me he still don't do nothing

My current husband don't know what he supposed to do. He grew up believing in gender roles so he's used to seeing men come home, grab a drink and put they feet up. He doesn't do that but he is a gamer. It took a year now I'm having that same argument about him not helping enough. He acknowledges he needs to help but I always got kick him in the ass, figuratively, to get him going he lacks consistency! I need a real solution! We both work so there's no way I should carry the load of our household and 4 children!!!!!

OK most of yall need to pump your brakes while some comments are true for my first husband that's not the case for my current. I said he was incompetent not a liar, cheater, out of work, mistreating me or our kids. His only problem is his incompetence! I would love to see these perfect 10 men yall talking about lbs I bet they have some flaws!