Left Behind

So 4 1/2 years ago our second son was stillborn. The pregnancy was so hard and scary and I wasnt in good shape, but I had a super quick labor. I want another kid so bad!! 2 of my best friends are pregnant and lots of others I know and I just feel depressed and like I'm being left behind 😢 Did any of you never have anymore after stillbirth or really hard labors? I'm happy for my friends but at the same time so stinkin' depressed!!!!!! I've always wanted several kids but life is just not fair!!! (My husband is not on board at all)