What are some of your boundaries for your child with friends/family?

Question

FTM and learning that having set boundaries with our daughter is very essential, not only for her but for everyone interacting with her. I'm realizing that I've become quite "nitpicky" with how certain things are handled or done, how some things are said, etc. Currently my husband and I have family watching our daughter since we both work full time. Everyone rotates, my parents get her on Sundays. His mom gets the baby during the week for a couple hours here and there. We all just try to communicate and delegate who is able to watch the baby (communication is between me and the other party, it's never crossed from my parents to his mom. Different story)
But for years before having our daughter and even still, I have researched and researched how I can be the best parent I could possibly be for my children. Learning it's all trial and error, but I'm trying to get everyone else to understand my feelings as a new mom and where I'm comfortable and uncomfortable with certain things. Boundaries. 
What kind of boundaries have you established for your own LO? 😊

Answer

No one is going to raise your child exactly as you do. You cant expect others to follow 'the very best parenting practices'if there is such a thing. Even my husband and I, while we agree with most things, have differences in how we do things. And, while I think research is great, I have a masters degree in clinical psychology and can tell you that a) real research is actually mixed and b) they come up with conclusions based on statistical analyses, but do not consider the child and individual circumstances, other areas of strength and protective support or struggles etc so I have made parenting decisions outside the research recommendations. And of course, their preschool, school etc doesnt do everything 100% as I would.
So I say, pick your battles. Example, our parents spoil the kids with snacks and toys more than we do, but as long as it isnt too out of hand, I let it go. Discipline methods Im very picky about because a lot of the oldschool methods eg spanking or sitting in the corner are shown to have harmful effects.

Answer

I don’t do overnight stays with grandparents. My in laws hate it and don’t understand why I won’t let them stay with her, but it’s just not something I am comfortable with or think is necessary. You get no extra bonding time with them while they’re asleep so why on earth do you want them overnight? Sorry, big fat no!

Answer

This is hard. My family watched my son until he was 3. Some things I just had to suck it up and understand they were doing this for free (they wouldn’t take money) and nothing they did was purposefully bad. Watching TV, letting him have juice, etc. were things I could overlook but it bothered me. Flat surfaces to sleep, car seat safety, that kind of stuff I was very vocal and made sure to be very clear. When my daughter was 4 months, they both started daycare. Honestly, I kind of wish my son had started out there as well because my in laws and I never got a long and things are so much less tense now.

Answer

One of the moms I nannied for made a notebook/ binder that had everything written down, like her schedule, all the instructions on how she liked things done, and then there were pages to fill out regarding the baby's day. Like a log to keep. Times of diaper changes, naps, any notes of something different happening. 
I watched her baby Monday-Wednesday and her mom watched on Thursday and her MIL had the baby on Fridays. 
Because of the notebook we all were basically able to indirectly communicate about the baby's care and we literally all in the same page and all followed the same instructions for the baby. 
It was especially great for when baby was going through changes and we all had to look back at the past days to see if the baby was still napping well... eating well... ect

Answer

This is so dependent on each situation. I do a lot of things (or don’t do) that my mom or in laws disagree with. But at the end of the day this is my child. I’m responsible for everything about him. If someone can’t honor our boundaries or rules, too bad for them. 
We won’t let my mom watch him because she believes in a style of discipline that we do not and she won’t honor it. So she can’t watch him 🤷‍♀️ her house is also not baby friendly AT ALL. She also refuses to change his diaper because we use cloth and she just decided she’d use disposable and that’s a big no for us. He had a big reaction when we had to switch for a day. I have other family who smoke and they aren’t sowed anywhere near my kid when doing so. 
You have to define what’s important to you and consider each situation. But setting boundaries is not a bad thing at all!

What are some of your boundaries for your child with friends/family?

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